Waking From A Coma

Body Count

2006-09-17T14:52:00.000-04:00

Today's question is as follows:

heh. ;)

How many 5 year olds at once do you think you could best in hand to hand combat to the death?

On a mildly related note, the 7 year old boy at my house was playing Sims2 which I recently bought. It was amusing considering he really didn't understand how to keep them alive and happy. He built them a house but once he placed them in it to live, they quickly deteriorated into depression from neglect and soiled themselves because he didn't tell them to use the toilet. They all eventually died. When a Sim dies, their ghost haunts the house forever. The boy's solution to these hauntings was to place an army of newborn babies in the house (seriously, like dozens). God, I love his imagination. It is quite an imaginative idea but not a solution at all. All that will do is make an army of ghost babies in the house. Damn, that is sick. I love it.

Imagine the View

2006-09-12T08:15:00.000-04:00

Set deep inside what has to be the smallest club in Toronto on the last day of August, I had the rare pleasure of seeing A Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra and Tra-La-La Band play before me. I knew what to expect as I have come to love a majority of their music thus far. It is best described as dark and bleak. The messages contained within their songs are highly political and often anti-war. Liberal criticisms are bound tightly to a kind of pessimistic hope. The kind one has when so much hope has eroded away.

ASMZ

To describe in a more auditory way I'd call it progressive music enveloping characteristics from folk, orchestral and noise. Often this is very well layered with a rock-style drum kit, electric guitar and the haunting howl of front man, Efrim Menuck. For those of you not familiar with Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Menuck was also responsible for a large part of their concept & delivery (minus the singing) of a more experimental kind of prog several years ago.

Menuck

ASMZ opened their set with "God Bless Our Dead Marines" - one of the four songs I was crossing my fingers for that night. In fact, I heard three out of the four that I came to see. ALL three filled me with such beauty, sadness and awe that I could not contain the wealth of emotion I felt. The rest of the performance was stunning for sure, but they were mostly songs that I was not yet familiar with. I've never wept like that at a performance. I hid my face, not out of shame, but because I didn't want MightyDoll to think that I was not having the time of my life. I was.

"And our heros all died crazy
Broken poor our shot
Let's celebrate their tragedy
And sanctify the loss...
...And all I true love
is the light in my sister's darling eyes"

-Horses In The Sky

I could write for days straight explaining how this music permeates my soul. Instead, I'd rather you see and hear for yourself. May these lyrics be a tempting taste.

Imagine the view
From a helicopter gun ship
A man comes into view
And you hit that switch
and you cut that man in two

Imagine the view
When they bounce that shit off of satellites
And when they hit that switch, and when they hit that switch
All of heaven falls on you

-Ring Them Bells (Freedom Has Come And Gone)

A very sincere thank you to all members of A Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra and Tra-La-La Band for aiding in the opening of my mind to the world outside this continent.

Love,
HH

Oh yeah! I forgot about 'Staggering' part 2

2006-08-22T19:07:00.000-04:00

We had it all figured out. Planned to perfection you see. See? I pasted our itinerary :)

Itinerary:

Wednesday

10am: Canadian Tire trip for last minute camping gear

10:30am: Yank out hair and scream at incompetence of employees

11am: Carry big honking cooler full of more gear onto mass transit system

noon: Pack car

1pm: Depart for five hour trip

2pm: Stop to scour child vomit from everything including her

2:50pm: Dodge to back of nearest building to smoke a bowl in the desperate hopes that it will put you to sleep until your timely arrival. (no, I was not driving)

3pm: Feed sick child Gravol and resume travel

7pm: Arrive in the right county & get lost as fuck

8pm: Arrive at Kaleidoscope in time to raise moon base in a heavy down pour. Tent? No. Moon base.
See?

First, notice this nice family milling about their dry and sunny campsite. Fucking bitch-ass punk-ass happy people.
Moon Base: 17 x 16.5' x 74" h (5 x 5 x 2 m)
Sleeps 10 people and one large dog
Pet den can be used as a storage area for coolers, bags etc.
Coleman WeatherTec system (fat lotta fuckin' good that did us)
Easy set-up design with colour coded poles (provided its not pitch black in the best shower pressure you've ever had)
Room divider (to keep the 200 gallons of water on that side)
Fire-engine red and light beige
5-year manufacturer's warranty

9pm: Swim out of finished moon base, across site to appease exhausted, crying children (I felt bad for them. We all had many reasons to cry at that point).

10pm: Get kids lulled to sleep in a preset tent not being used by a fellow camper & reach for the relaxation sticks in pocket

10:04: Meet with security at the front of your tent regarding the increasing ferocity of the weather (heavier rains with high winds). Discuss pros & cons of moving children to the trailer in the site next door

10:30: Meet with security at the front of your tent regarding the increasing ferocity of the weather (heavier rains with high winds, lightning and golfball-size hail). Follow orders to move kids to trailer

10:40: Meet with security again regarding the further increasing ferocity of the weather (add tornado warnings to previous grocery list). Follow orders to carry kids to basement in a large house 200 yards away through all that shit in the pitch dark in your underwear and water up to your shins

10:50pm: Arrive in basement thinking you'll get to sleep to find a throng of children bouncing off the walls, scarfing popcorn & watching movie after movie. This, of course, means the youngin's in tow aren't getting back to sleep anytime soon.

Thursday

12am: Wander upstairs after mostly drip drying, to the living room where you'll watch the weather channel for three hours as if they'll tell you something different other than "your fucked" if your willing to wait just ten more minutes. Occasionally you'll check on the kids in between, finding them glued to all things Frankie Muniz.

3am: Finally, for fuck's sake, find your way to la-la-land.

8am: Wake, drink coffee gifted unto you & scoop kids, return to camp bearing soaked clothes, soaked kids and all of your bedding - also soaked :) Assess water, wind and hail damage. Miraculously find dry clothes in your bag and build camp with a new love for life and nature

God, I love this shit.

11:00am: There is no 11am silly! Time stopped as soon as you became welcomed in the natural surroundings in which you plunked yourself. Fun huh?!

yes.

So after all that, there was no more itinerary.
"What do you want to do today, Love?"
"Dunno. Somethin' later."
"Cooool."

And some things happened. Good things for the most part.

It was a 5 day weekend of freedom in comparison to the 3 contribution of my time to the Waste Management Crew of Hillside '06
(which didn't suck, mind you)

Yet free time is free time and a precious thing at that in my version of the world. There was no order to it for me other than sleep when your tired and eat when you're hungry. If it sounds fun, do it. *breathes long* yes. This is what I waited for.
The day after the monsoon the Sun was so bright and warm that it made the past 14 hours of my life melt into a dream at best. I helped prepare & eat lunch after finding a huge metal sheet of refuse in the forest which made a perfect sun-dryer for our beds n' such.

Damn. That was the wildest weather I've camped in. That was so exhausting to even recall that I feel the need to stop here and promise a part 3 to this epic vacation... If there is such a thing. Plus if I made this post any longer, ya'll might not finish reading it :)

love,
HH

I'm behind in my homework. Multi-review: Metric, Eagles of Death Metal and Peaches

2006-07-21T19:20:00.000-04:00

I went to Fort York in Toronto last Saturday to see Metric. It was an all day fest. That is, it was hotter than you can imagine & we knew Metric wouldn't be on stage until dark so we waited for it to cool off some.

The band takes the stage & I'm surprised to be so enthralled with the singer, Emily Hanes. Hrm. She's cute :)

Bathing your act in dark blue & purple light is always a easy way to get my googlly eyes going gonzo. Goodness.

photo courtesy of someone else

An outdoor concert experience was nice for a change. During the show, after dark, the cool part was turning to see the severed rays from templates over spotlights beam several hundred meters across the elevated freeway and onto the lakefront condos. Shining on cars, in windows.

photo courtesy of someone else

At several points in the evening I felt compelled to find a musket and take a defensive position behind the walls of stone surrounding the fort's perimeter. Must be the American in me. Fort York is from the war of 1812. I found it weird to imagine a war setting here nearly 200 years ago. They fought hard so we could have a place to drink our faces off in the sun & spend $30 on a $10 t-shirt.

I heard V, this guy I know, was doing stage work that day in exchange for free show access. As hot as it was I'd have been rather upset that my bits would be sopping wet all fucking day. More worth the ticket to sit & guzzle three beers before the band plays & I go home relaxed. All in all, a very good show...

yes there is a but. Sorry Miss Emily. In the future, do not come on stage for your encore to tell us all to, "Fuck that marketing bullshit. We're here for each other & the music & so are you."

*brelp*

C'mon dude, if it weren't like that, you wouldn't have so much merchandise to sell. My friend wouldn't have felt compelled to drop $60 in addition to the ticket just to have some swag to remember the experience. It was a bummer because it was as though the condemnation of marketing was a sales pitch. You're musicians and you have to make a living. That's fine. Sell your stuff. Just don't sell it by 'damning the man'.

.

Eagles of Death Metal

It was weird though. It was another one of those shows where I go to buy the ticket & find out that the band I want to see is not headlining. Whatevs. All it means is I may get home early enough to sleep plenty before work. I can deal.

So.

The Eagles of Death Metal, in case you were wondering or didn't click the link, are a fantastically ridiculous derivative from the Kyuss - Queens of the Stone Age tree. Everything fun and candy-assed cliche about rock & roll comes together with their Camero driving, cigarette smoking, mustache sporting version of humor and music.

I honestly feel that is as much as I can elaborate on them. I got what I wanted which was a silly fantastic time drinking to loud rock. I love the first album & I heard my favorites from it. Thanks guys that was great fun!

Here. Have some more photos I didn't shoot.

.

Peaches.

Peaches was the headliner for the evening. I'd never heard of her before. Asking around at work got me nothing more than mixed brands of disinterest. "Lame." "Funny." "Sexually charged." None of the opinions seemed excited about her stop in TO.

Odd. The folks at the show just freakin roared to life when she appeared. Joe & I didn't get it. Yes, sex is cool. But after three songs sounding all so similar, we got fed up with the predictability & boredom & called it a night.

.

Metric: Good Show. A respectable three stars
EofDM: Likewise. Three & a half
Peaches: Sorry. I give it a two star generously because the crowd (excepting me) was enchanted with your pelvic thrusts & pulsating rhythm.

Welcome to the next century!

2006-07-16T00:00:00.000-04:00

Me that is. That's it folks we've finally achieved bandwidth! Woot. Seriously, it does make things faster to a worth while end. *sigh*

The downside is that my super-drive has decided to enter the semi-active realm of intermittent response. As in:
"Ahh, we're home. Looks like I don't have to recognize any discs anymore! What? We're going to the service department? Oh well then let me be on my best behavior so's to make a liar out of you. Know why? I heard your car used to love pulling this stunt. I hear she laughed her ass off for years. Don't you think it's my turn now?"

The irony is that the more complicated our devices that make for easy living become, the more they complicate our lives due to a dependency on a box built by the lowest bidder. Remember that commercial where the guy beats the ever loving shit out of his computer? Honestly now, can any of you tell me you were never that person? My plan in college was to toss the CPU tower out the 4th floor window of the school & film it from breaking out of the window to crashing to the street. This, of course, would be passed off as art at the next student show. Imagine the gathered folks saying, "Gosh! Such an impulsive statement on our technological future!" "Yes, a complete rejection of the accepted! How rare!" This will resort in an explosion of artsy fame for my life. Being slapped in the face with marketing offers, sponsorships, people becoming my people & they're people becoming my people's people. Generating revenue by way of concept. Fame goes to the head, all of a sudden I'll be filling my house with technological devices designed to make my life easier. Full circle. Hypocritical.

I can stare at my art supplies & ponder the loveliness of being a luddite. Rejecting.

Wait. Am I the not one who wanted to be a computer based artist to begin with?

my drive is still fubared. I have web work to do...

*hangs head, calls applecare*

Do What Must Be Done

2006-07-04T12:10:00.000-04:00

I walked outside to the corner and took the mass transit. Destination unclear, either out of town or out of country. It felt like I crossed a border but I have no idea how I got there or where I was. I seemed to be in a building run by one woman. A kind of church or sanctuary. Cement mostly, but without the clear beauty and goodness of the simple churches I've seen. The woman who operated the place was large and seemingly sweet like a mother. I know how she had managed to convince so many to join her church. They were loving people who wanted nothing more than reassurance and a place for their faith in the Lord to grow. A place where they weren't so lonely and confused.

I was casually looking for someone that I had spoken to earlier. I couldn't find them. Peeking in and out of corridors, rooms... As I searched, I entered a room and saw there was orange light coming from the 2-inch crack near the bottom of the cement wall. I knew that the other side contained the furnace that heated the whole building. When I peered under I saw who I was looking for. He was laying under the furnace, burning. Being slowly cooked down to a mess. I could still see the white of his teeth among all the grey & black flesh through orange flames. I could see how his eye sockets were blacker than anything I had ever seen. My body filled with fear and panic. I convulsed and vomited at the sight and began to stagger away in horror. I knew I had to leave and in that same moment, knew I was here like the rest of the followers. Trapped. Dead. Tricked into the hands of madness by the promises of religion.

I could no longer leave. I had to escape instead. I scooped together as much of my belongings into my pockets as I could and made for the door. She was there in her kitchen. Awkward posture. Varicose veins. That fat face grinning at me. She knew that I knew the door was locked. It didn't look too hefty. I considered kicking it down to make a break for it. But they called to me. Those she swallowed in fire and those she had not yet subdued. I could not live with myself if I abandoning them to her will. While the large woman's back was turned, I picked up an end table. It was stout and had large wooden ball feet. I raised it high and quietly. I brought it down on her head and she collapsed into unconsciousness. She was out but I knew it was not for long. I had no money to travel away from this place so I rifled through her change purse & wallet. I scrambled as fast as I could but she woke before I could plan a way to stop these things I saw. Her eyes burned themselves into my memory forever and as she looked at me, I heard a voice. A message telling me what I must do. Like looking at the face of a tortured & diseased dog. "Kill me."

I did.

I screamed at her, "How could you do this!? All these people!? They trusted you!" I kicked her legs crashing her weight down again. I ran to the closet to find a very large monkey wrench. It was an arm's length. I held it with two hands, one on each end. I smashed her face in. I smashed it again. When you bludgeon someone to death, it takes so many blows. It seems to take so long. I smashed her bloody mangled face for the 7th time. She bubbled & spit blood as she tried to mutter something I couldn't understand. I smashed her face with the cold steel for the last time as I was sure she was dead. I was not thankful that the terror she inflicted on dozens was now over. I did not feel the part of the hero. All I could do was sob and shake with shame and guilt under the eyes of my creator above. Angry and broken because I was forced to do something I could not bear. I never meant to take life. I now wish I was dead.

An Evening With Mono

2006-06-16T10:10:00.001-04:00

Okay, the tickets said Pelican but I didn't hear of Pelican before and I was really there to see Mono anyway. What's Mono you say? Mono is an entirely instrumental band that experiments with noise as art and ambience as the core of their work. Considered 'Post-Rock', they use their talent by layering gentle yet often high speed strumming and beautifully simple guitar melodies over a usually slow & low groove bass & drum beat. While many of their lengthy songs are slow in pace, they still bring a very high impact to the listener. After a carefully crafted, six-minute lulling intro, Mono will crash down with an assault of full and true rock sound complete with perfectly timed drumming, feedback and high distortion strings barely similar to the sad, heavy ballads of '90s alternative. Simple, yet not trite or bland...

Progressive noise acts are not for all. It is a small market that the likes of Mono are catering to. That said, I believe we'll see this style rise to a more popular platform in today's culture. I came to this because while I was at Lee's Palace, it was clear that a majority of the crowd was naturally there to see the headliner, Pelican. I've seen this before. A crowd of excited people await to see the band they paid for and they end up being blown away by the preceding act. With the end of each song Mono played, the audience bursted with enthusiasm and applause. Perhaps the crowd didn't save enough of their cheering energy for Pelican. Perhaps the crowd had drank too much by that point. Perhaps it was clear once Pelican took the stage, Mono seemed to be Pelican's favorite band. Whatever it was, Pelican's performance while properly in sync, loud as hell and very metal noise, was certainly upstaged by Mono's professional presence and creativity. There were die hards there who would of course refuse to believe that Mono was a better act, but I watched how the crowd reacted to Mono, bought out Mono's entire stock of CD's for sale and then went back to Pelican reacting with less energy and approval. Not to say that Pelican was unappreciated mind you. Just that they seemed more impressed by Mono's ingenuity. Where does that leave a fan when the headliner's show is wrought with predictability and repetition? Right where it left me- disenchanted. I was disappointed enough to leave the show early, but after all, I wasn't there for Pelican in the first place.

I gained a fair amount of respect for the members of Mono. I got to the venue in time to see what I thought was the band hauling their own gear from their rental van. Always a cool thing to do when no one is going to mob you because your level of fame hasn't gone soaring to the stratosphere. I got inside later and walked over to their merchandise table, which they were also operating themselves, and I picked out a $10 t-shirt. Seriously, when is the last time you could afford a concert t-shirt AND beer? In retrospect, I should've bought a poster for the Pelican/Mono tour. Its design was superb. Like I wish I could do that kind of superb. But again with the Pelican... The t-shirt will suffice.

There was a good amount of hilarity for MightyDoll & I while we were there. We picked out the best spot we could find that gave us a seat that could still allow us to see the stage way over the heads of the crowd. Around the half-way point of the opening act, The bassist from Mono, Tamaki, moved the merchandise to the other side of the table that MD & I were occupying. She remained there until the end of the first set and then she simply vanished leaving all of their merchandise in front of MD & I. Ummm... WTF? Very trusting. I didn't know she was a member of the band until I was looking for her and saw her on stage setting up and minutes later, picking up her bass & beginning the show. So the weird thing was that here's us sitting at the same table as Mono's products. No big deal until they start playing and stunning their new fans. Impressed and craving more, their new fans wander over to our table and begin asking questions about everything from pricing & availability to wether the CD releases are also offered on vinyl. "Uh. I dunno man, I don't work here."
"Well, where did that lady go?"
"Oh her? Yeah, she's onstage performing right now. You should come back later when they're done with their set."
"Right on... Actually, I have to leave..."
At this point MD & I took up the responsibility of selling Mono's product while they were away. MD's rationale was that we couldn't let these new fans leave without taking a CD that they were more than willing to cough up the $10 for. So we kept count and wrote down all that we sold. If fact, we sold them completely out of CD's and fans kept coming up & asking for more. It's likely that Mono would've sold out of their stuff on their own, but it was kinda cool to help them make that last $70. Before we started selling items, MD & I were wondering what to do. It was a strange situation to be presented with, watching over the band's belongings. MD initially suggested that we were the subject of a rather funny yet productive Japanese practical joke. Finally, after their set, Tamaki returned to finish the job. She was surprised to say the least, but also quite thankful. That's what you get for leaving your merchandise at the table of the nice Canadian & her defecting American boyfriend.

Thank you very much to Mono for a great performance. I can tell that you love what you do because you travel the world over to make peanuts and play for us. THAT is love & dedication.

"I'm up in the clouds. I'm up in the clouds and I can't, I can't come down."

2006-06-13T23:54:00.000-04:00

Sorry I waited so long to post this. & that I was on hiatus for a few days. It was necessary.

Now then,

I didn't wait long at all. The lights were killed and seconds later Radiohead took the stage & immediately began the low machine hum bass-line of "The Gloaming". Thom York meanders in the shadows casted from green & purple light, chanting the words back & forth, sounding more extra-terrestrial than human. A start that completely changed my mind about a song. *snap* Just like that. I had never liked that song on the album. I didn't hate it either but it was normally skipped. It didn't do much for me until now. But oh how I love a bass so low that I can feel my heart vibrate in sync with what I hear. That was a wonderful surprise to kick off the show!

After the third song finished the crowd roared in approval of the 2 new songs they had just heard, I just closed my eyes in anticipation to what may come next when I recognize the spitting drum machine intro for "2+2=5". I really dig this one because it is the first on Hail to the Thief, an album after 2 largely synthesized releases, that reminded me that Radiohead can still rock the fuck out. Energy. Intensity. I can really say no more of that one. Oh, except stunning :)

I'd never been to the Hummingbird before. It's a beautiful room in the heart of downtown Toronto that seats about 3,000. It was designed for symphony performances so it has fabulous acoustics. When the lights abruptly cut and the show began, I was curious at first by how quiet it was for a rock show. Don't get me wrong, the sound filled the room completely. Just not too loud. Within reason, ya know? When Anne was in college in Grand Rapids, the auditorium there was the same size. The venue allowed everyone, even those in the mezzanine, to be close to the show. Very intimate. Very impressive.

The set was simple but still an excellent accent to the performance. Cooler temperature colors of flooding light were common as grainy live video of each band member playing was casted upon the many polygon screens in the back of the stage. A different image feed for each screen. It was interesting but not distracting. For most of the show, it was a reasonable accompaniment to the music. It really worked well for me at the beginning of the first encore when Thom walked out, sat at his piano and stared into the camera facing him while he played "You & Whose Army". Oh, man. That is yet another that I love to drown myself in. The one image of him was across all of the separate screens. It was much like a live music video.... if there is such a thing. There he was, staring into everyone's eyes simultaneously. Just the right kind of creepy for that beautiful song.

Of the new tracks we got to hear, there was much to swallow for all in the audience. When a band plays new works everyone who hasn't heard it yet will often do nothing more than tap their foot to the beat and cheer at the end. This was the case for some of the new tracks but for one or two, there was no denying that Radiohead still has much to contribute to the music of this generation. Thom played drums as he sang for us for a few tracks and even showed us he can beat-box on another. Forgive me for I know not the names of the ones that wowed me but boy, did they ever. Blew me away. They still have ways of laying a complex beat that forces your foot to loose time until you realize you're not in 4/4 kansas anymore.

I have a recorded live version of Idioteque on my mp3 player. So when the beat began I was wild with excitement. I knew what to expect, but what was delivered completely superseded what I thought I was in for. Damn, I've heard that recording so many times & thought how it could possibly get better than that. After all, that's why they record it isn't it? So right about the time I'm trying to comprehend how artists manage to regularly out-do themselves, "Climbing the Walls" from OK Computer begins to wash over me. God, I love that song. A truly soulful piece bearing pessimistic, haunting melody mixed with bone-chilling and dark lyrics from the mind of a born poet. From the very first note I was stricken with chills and goose bumps that lasted throughout the entire song. I was so completely taken and immersed in sound so full I could barely force back the urge to let loose the control of my tear ducts. Johnny Greenwood nailed the raspy guitar solo at the end. Nailed it. I was no longer Earth bound. Yes. I really was that hooked. Needless to say, that was my favorite for the evening. I'm amazed I could even pick a favorite. With nearly every song that I recognized at first, I responded with a head-rolling, "OH HELL YEAH!!" and showed my approval by screaming my throat dry at its end.

The climax of this performance was where it should have been; the last of two encores. This tiny crowd managed to shake the entire building to its foundation in refusal to let the band leave. After a good 7-10 minutes of relentless cheering the crowd doubled its intensity when they saw the guys walk back on stage and close the evening with There There. Seamless. Stunning. Fin.

I waited 8 years for this. Walking in, I really hoped I didn't pay too much for this. Now that it is all said & done? It was so worth the wait and the all-but-alarming price to see Radiohead. By the way, Karma Police, arrest those fucks who shout at the top of their lungs during the dead quiet parts of "You & Whose Army". While we're at it, arrest those other fucks who thought it was a good idea to scream "SHUT-UP" at the first fucks. Other than them, I rate this performance 5 out of 5 stars.

Set list courtesy of ateaseweb.com

01 The Gloaming
02 Bangers 'n Mash (new)
03 15 Step (new)
04 2+2=5
05 Kid A
06 Fake Plastic Trees
07 Videotape (new)
08 Arpeggi (new)
09 Idioteque
10 Climbing Up The Walls
11 Down Is The New Up (new)
12 Karma Police
13 Nude (new)
14 House of Cards (new)
15 Myxomatosis
16 Spooks (new)
17 Paranoid Android

Encore 1
18 You And Whose Army?
19 Bodysnatchers (new)
20 Just
21 Let Down

Encore 2
22 There There

I'm going to see Mono & Pelican at Lee's Palace tonight! Stay tuned for another review :)
You folks rock my wee little blog world.

Love, Hubris

Hubris Devours His Chihuahuas

2006-06-08T08:59:00.000-04:00

tribute

happy

:r a d i o h e a d:

tonight I am lucky :)

How I slept last night...

2006-05-19T16:04:00.000-04:00

3am

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*thinks to self during sleep walk to bathroom* "What's the fuckin deal with that?"

4am
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*groggy stirring* "Seriously wa.. zzz zzz zzz"

5am
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*groggy stirring* "Seriously, burn to the ground already! Or steal whatever you have to do. Just smash that goddamned alarm on your way out!"

6am
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*wide awake on the verge of tears* *long inhale* *longer exhale*

7am
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*two firemen walking in alley behind Hubris' house* *various muttering between the 2 & whoever is on the other side of the walkie-talkies*
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Fireman 1- "I FOUND IT!" *gazes into dumpster*
*fireman 2 walks over, jumps into dumpster and beats the fucking shit out of what ever is making that fucking racket* :D
*cheering from at least three different windows rock the brief silence of the back alley*

He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corner of Our Rooms

2006-05-17T09:18:00.000-04:00

Artist: A Silver Mt. Zion
Album: He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corner of Our Rooms
Year: 2000

Seriously. Click the title link, enter a credit card number and wait for your music to arrive. Reserve yourself a seat at your own private listening party. Just you. Wake in the morning and make it a slow weekend morning. Make yourself some coffee or tea. Then hit play, go sit in your chair next to the window where shafts of light sometimes grace the corner of your room and watch your world outside wherever you are. Or, close your eyes and see imagery of that world come to you through the approach of distant violins or the gentle marching drums that guide them to you. What do you see behind your eyes when you hear the quiet piano? The one that you swear is coming to you from upstairs where the sad lonely ghost of a composer from ages past works her talent through her cold ethereal fingers.

What do you see?

What do you feel?

If you find out, I want to know...

What I see:
We all have seen it before. Really, this is not a new concept. I see images and clips of war, suffering, decay of all things natural and good whipping our minds at 30 frames per second. I see people cracked out and fighting amongst themselves in the alley behind my house. I see tons of debris washing ashore of the Great Lakes. I see the construction of a space shield to supposedly protect us from an atomic bomb. I see this type of message very necessary and well suited to the music that brings it. I certainly try to avoid dwelling on such atrocities but I find this album as a useful tool for a fairly healthy way of subjecting these things to me without killing me and also keeping me from letting them flush from my memory completely. Reserving a quiet corner of my brain for me to pull out every time I pray that we will someday get it and learn.

What I feel:
Oh, I love the title. I'll never know for sure, but if it were true, it would explain so much. God left this world long ago but left behind a shadow of the beauty for us to cling to. Like a shimmer of what we could have been. Something to chase to no avail.

When its all over; when this world is dead and the people on it have finished their turn by finally destroying everything, there will be millions of artifacts. Each little piece of us that we leave behind will be part of a story. A fable. A history of how we started, scattered, and grew to rise and fall. Every tiny speck of plastic and metal and bone will speak so quietly of how much potential we had and how much we squandered through war and greed. And which is more tragic? The fact that despite the potential we had, we wasted so much that we never deserved to continue to thrive? Or that a small number of us really were conscious of our capabilities but had too quiet a voice to reach the ignorant and stupid among us? Too few to make them see. Make them grok.

It won't matter. But one day, someone may find these things buried on our desolate rock we called home. Some distant intelligent race who'd understand the sadness because they succeeded where we failed. They were close. They came here. They found us in pieces and researched us. Saw our great beauty. Saw our great tragedy. If that may be so, then this piece of music is what I'd hope they find. Music to soundtrack the decay of our home. Music that they can use as a translation of a few of our final thoughts and emotions. Misguided and wasted away.

After your listening party, go out and ride your bike or go for ice cream and sit in a park. Trust me, you'll need it.

10,000 Days

2006-05-06T10:56:00.000-04:00

One would think that with such a history like mine, a fascination with all things Tool would be easy to feed into and satisfy. Not so much. It may still happen but it really can't last forever. One more though? I hope. Allow me to elucidate. When I was a sophomore in high school, I heard an album called Undertow and was completely blown away by every mysterious second of it. It was enraged, heavy and beautifully crafted with a creativity so seldom found in mainstream rock. Not crisp because some record company paid a techie with a hard-on for rock n roll to over-produce a bit of music, but because they were musicians with pure talent and ingenuity. Undertow was dark and hopeless in ways that my parents actually feared. I was taken by it. Shortly thereafter, I found Opiate, Undertow's predecessor. I enjoyed it but it ultimately served more as a preface for what was to evolve.

Then came AEnima; an album which took years to hit me. I mean, I loved it instantly but the messages contained within had to surface along with aspects of my coming maturity. Some of these songs are timeless enough that I still think of them as contemporary art & philosophy that can easily apply to my life. Nearly each song has been applicable to me at some point or another. The most recent of which is "H." Lyrics within are a frightening reflection, or maybe interpretation, of what transpired between my wife & I as she started a new life while I was still trying to cling to her old one. The snake reference has haunted my dreams once or twice. Yet to be able to shout this song when I'm alone has proven to be therapeutic from time to time. I can also listen for the musical value alone... now. Musically speaking, AEnima to this day can completely dominate my attention. I indulge and put on headphones or turn it up at home to allow the fullness of sound to flood my whole being. Shake me to the core. Passionate.

But I would not want you any other way.

Lateralus came and it was progressively more positive & spiritualized than AEnima. Hopeful. Recovering. The music... oh that stunning music. It was hard to imagine that it could actually get better. More & more use of odd time signatures and synth at just the right parts. Again, every song touched me to the roots of myself. The highlight of this album for me is a triptych. Disposition, Reflection and finishing with Triad. And to experience these live!? It has the best 20 minutes of audio & visual sensory overload. Carried right away.

To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.

I'll start by saying that 10,000 Days has, without a doubt, the very best artwork I have ever seen. Its totally fucking cool. You have to see it for yourself. I have, of course, given 10,000 Days time to grow on me. The connection I felt to their music thus far may have been dramatically amplified by the fact that there are 2 concepts that I have become very interested in. Healing & evolution. I feel I'm underway with them on my own now but I am certain that the initial spark of interest with these ideas were catalyzed in part by this band and their three previous releases. Though this newest work is proving to be no different, it doesn't quite carry with it a newness and furthered maturity. LSD was curious how this one would go because after an album like Lateralus, really where CAN you go from there? The messages are still wonderful, but nothing really new & mind-blowing. The music comes across as it always has; with solid integrity, hard hitting passion, and pure talent. The difference this time is that it has become a tad predictable. I love it! don't get me wrong! It's just that I think the band has finally reached their maturity as artists. Perhaps the last three are together as one work of art. This new one, a stand alone. This is likely to be an album that is fantastic, yet a reasonable place for Tool to call it enough and move on.

But is was so loud, he sure could yell.

One thing I will mention is that I've noticed the past 2 records each have some track specifically dedicated to ranting about some poser or some lawyer or both. 10,000 days is no exception. The track is titled 'The Pot'. While I certainly understand the purge of anger and frustration that must be felt while writing and performing these tracks, The Pot leaves much to be desired. Rant, rant, rant, you must have been high, rant some more. Fair enough though, I really didn't care for 'Hooker with a Penis' from AEnima either. Truth is I don't listen to these albums for those tracks anyway. The band is far more capable of using their music for touching on the spiritual & metaphysical concepts that I find much more fulfilling. I have a favorite track already. It is the second to last track. Its called 'Right in Two'. Its a song about how the angels are baffled by humans & what they've done with their gifts. I'll leave it there in the hopes that you'll read it. I'm not disappointed by 10,000 Days by any means, but I'm no longer yanked from my reality to smother myself with a music so refreshing that I can almost feel it wash over me. I rate AEnima & Lateralus 5 out of 5 stars for sure. Undertow, 4 out of 5.

I rate this album 4 out of 5 stars.

Days without Tobacco: 16

Yeah Yeah Yeah's Dominate Koolhaus

2006-04-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

Last night, the Yeah Yeah Yeah's played a show at the Koolhaus in Toronto. I scored a ticket. In light of the reading I have done on this band, I have been waiting for weeks with baited breath. It is no secret that the band consistently delivers a performance more than worthy of the fan base that has exploded across the country in the last few years.

I love to see opening acts. There were 2 of them this time. I love this because they are usually laughable at best. It amazes me how many bands get to tour around North America without ever really impressing enough people to expand their career. The first act last night was a man & his guitar. Nice enough. He could play well for being the opener but honestly, I haven't wanted to slit my wrists over a lost love for let's see... ever. Sorry, dude. You make a better keyboardist for YYY.

Act #2 was far different from #1 but much more suited to the feel of the evening. Unfortunately, not better musicians either. That said, I agreed when it was pointed out to me that this was a small garage act who loved playing for the sake of itself with a complete lack of seriousness. There is something to be said for that. After all, I could see that band again but you still cannot pay me enough to endure a performance from Creed.

The other reason I dig the openers is the smidge of a chance that I'll find an up & coming group that is well on their way to the top. If so, I'd get to see them right in the middle of metamorphosis.

By the time #2 wandered off stage the place was getting rather full. I had initially wanted to play 'older concert goer' and park my ass on a couch in the back of the room but I noticed that I wouldn't have the greatest view. I saw a space just near the front row that I was sure I'd be able to work my way into if I were willing to endure being very crowded. You bet your ass I got up there! I was getting more excited and less old by the minute and I knew I'd regret not being up front.

The YYY finally take the stage and open with "Gold Lion", their recent single from their new album titled "Show Your Bones" and burst with the energy and enthusiasm I've been reading about for the last 2 years. I savored each song in its entirety including many from "Show Your Bones" which upon hearing on the CD, left a little to be desired from what I had grown accustomed. Not true in the least at this show. YYY have successfully shown me that this latest work is far from lacking and now when I return to my CD, I can recall what made these songs so magical to me and enjoy them with the rest of their albums.

What I can recall of the set list is in no discernible order:

Gold Lion
Art Star
Miles Away
Black Tongue
Tick
Y Control
Maps
Modern Romance
Date With The Night
Cheated Hearts
Dudley
The Sweets
Fancy

Few lights. No effects or visuals of any kind. Not even any props save the half of a mirror ball that Karen uses as a head-piece for a song or two. They simply didn't need it. It was a rock show in the truest sense. Black stage and background and the only real color that wasn't from the lights was worn by Karen O. Of the 2 costumes she wore, the hand crafted skeleton suit was my favorite. She obviously had as good a time as the fans. She was all smiles through most of the show. Damn, much more beautiful in person... Nick Zinner was flawless. For a few of my favorite tracks he'd record a few licks just long enough to provide that eerie background guitar loop to sail under the surface of their refreshing song writing & performance.

Brian Chase held the beats together with comfortable confidence which I really found stunning but what was humorous to me is that his drum kit didn't offer the same courtesy to him. Near the end of the show, a crew member had to race out and rescue the bass drum from falling off the rise at the back of the stage. Still, nothing lost. A fabulous show was well played for all and I thank the band for visiting Toronto.

HH

"YOU"RE GOING TO GET SHOT!"

2006-03-21T09:08:00.000-05:00

Damn, what a night. So, I wake up to angry shouting going on in my back alley at about 2 am last night. I see a streak of a figure dart from the alley into the open basement of the building across the lot followed closely by no less than seven Toronto police officers, some repeatedly shouting at the top of their lungs, "STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO GET SHOT!" They all disappear into the building and 2 more cruisers race into the alley. When I say race, I mean they are fucking standing on it. The officers clear the basement and decide that the suspect has fled through the front of the building. They all rush out of the basement and 3 dodge around to the front on foot while 2 others each take a cruiser to pursue. It is a one way alley. So when the cruisers race out, this time its backwards. We're talking fast. At least, fast in terms of racing a full size sedan backwards through an alleyway no wider than a garbage truck. It was really creepy to hear all this, peering over the ledge of my window, listening to shouting, threats of gunfire, and racing motors with no sirens both in front of me and in the distance. I was nauseous. I was frightened too. Mostly because (and LSD can probably back me up here after what he witnessed) had this been anywhere in Michigan, wether it was the inner city, the burbs, or some whacked out militia job in the bush, the exchange of gunfire would have been far more probable. I hope the suspect was captured. My cracked out neighborhood has enough problems. As I calmed down I asked the Universe to be with the enforcement team outside my window. I don't particularly get enthusiastic about a police presence but I am far less excited about dangerous assailants using my neighborhood for whatever they are doing to contribute to the decay of western society. So, Godspeed, fellas.

A Dream

2006-03-10T12:19:00.000-05:00

I dreamt of the little 4 year old from the tribe's house.

She was sad and asking me when I could come back. I told her that, "I could not come back even if I wanted to. But don't worry sweetheart. You are not the reason I must stay away but you are the only reason I'm sad about having to stay away."

I miss watching you learn so incredibly fast. Take care little one.

For Mighty Doll

2006-03-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

early mornings when sun meets dawn
pry our skin apart and then i'm gone
you're so warm as i brave the cold
to obligations that make me old
but as i return i begin to learn
i'm young at heart and that it burns
i love how we laugh i love how we play
let me sleep with you please let me stay
in this life so fickle so fast we can change
savor this with me 'til we may be estranged

-me

Extra Long Weekend

2006-03-01T09:55:00.001-05:00

-WARNING! THIS POST WILL BE ACROSS-THE-BOARD DISGUSTING-

And not the kind of long weekend you really want. I had a cough about a week ago, but of course it waits until the weekend and plenty of free time arrives for the real sickness to rear its ugly head. And wow was it ugly. Ya know how it sounds when you reach the bottom of your fountain drink from the local fast food joint? Yeah, that's how it sounds when I breathe. I cannot lay down to sleep lest I aspirate the goop that I'm already half drowning in. I cannot sleep sitting up either... unless, of course, I am sitting in a church pew or a school desk.

So if you ever played Unreal Tournament 2004, you'd know that one of the weapons you can use to melt your enemy is the Bio-gun.
*Little girl in back of class raises hand*
"Mr. Hubris, what's a Bio-gun?"
"Well Miss Asks-too-many-questions, a Bio-gun is a firearm designed for short range combat. This weapon discharges a large glob of brownish-green biohazardous waste in a sort of weak lob- not unlike throwing a softball. This brownish-green biohazardous waste or 'bio-ooze' is often acidic in nature and thus melts one's enemy on contact. If you miss, make sure you do not step in it- this is no ordinary pile of shit."

EVERYBODY DUCK!

*HACK COUGH WHEEZE*

I didn't get anyone, did I? Yeah, a stunning amount of lung butter has passed through my face in the last few days.

------
BTW, there is not much in this world that is funnier than some Japanese guy wailing his electric guitar to the tune of Pachelbel's Canon. The tragedy is that he's actually a great guitar player. You'll have to copy and paste the link because blogger doesn't like to give Safari the same options as everyone else :P

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1491516901670441597&pr=goog-sl
------
AND MAY THE UNIVERSE SPEED MD AS SHE GOES TO SCORE US TICKETS TO SEE THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS!
I think I'm gonna cum. I'd seriously let Karen O abuse every one of my 28 years right out of me. And yes, you naughty ones out there can watch if you really want to.
------

We now return to our regularly scheduled description of my cold. So yeah, every time I cough, I expectorate just like the Bio-gun. It is actually the lack of sleep that occurs because of the hacking that has me really pissed off. Sleep is the one sure fire way to a speedy recovery. So in order to force myself to sleep I have been relying on a strong mixture to do the job. 1 part orange juice, 1 part tonic, and at least 2 parts vodka. OJ because I need the vitamin C and tons of vodka to put me to sleep and to numb the half dozen canker sores in my mouth that happen along with every cold. Shitty I tell ya. So, I called in sick 2 days in a row and let me tell ya, if I have a choice between going to work healthy or staying at home sick with movies & video games, I actually choose to work. This is only because with sickness, there is no pot smoking what so ever. Man, home for four days in a row and no bodily permission to get high. That is the very definition of hell. I'm back at work now, still hacking up and feeding the plants every 30 seconds. I still sound like the bottom of a fountain drink. Another 5 days or so and I can return to my chronic drug abuse.

Here is another big thank you to the lovely Miss Mighty Doll. Twice now, she has nursed me back to health with delicious soup that I wish I could taste, medicine that I wish would work better than it does, and gaming and company unparalleled. Thank you sweetie. I owe you two.

*HACK GASP WHARF*

excuse me. I need to go find a plant to feed.

Sick.

2006-02-28T13:36:00.000-05:00

Very sick. This is all the post I can muster. bear with me please.

Bored at Work

2006-02-17T19:11:00.000-05:00

Yup.

(elapsed time 10 minutes)

Uh-huh.

(elapsed time 9 minutes)

Damn... It appears that I should have eaten that $10 cookie that MD & I bought after all.

(elapsed time 8 minutes)

Oh well it'll make for a wonderful breakfast bar...

(elapsed time 7 minutes)

Still, it'd be a lot cooler if I were buzzed now. Hard work and delayed gratification have a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

(elapsed time 6 minutes)

When am I going to realize that the more I look at the clock, the slower it appears to go?

(elapsed time 5 minutes)

Apparently never. *drums fingers*

(elapsed time 4 minutes)

Damn, I really want that cookie. It has so much in it the freaking thing is actually green! Mmmmm. Green.

(elapsed time 3 minutes)

I have to remember to buy orange juice on the way home.

(elapsed time 2 minutes)

Good God I need a shower. We're talking three days here. I am rarely home thanks to wonderful times spent at Mighty Doll's place. Shower there? I think not. SHE barely even showers at home. Why? Glad you asked but you'll have to put up with reading lyrics again. Hey, I've been trying to do this less so suck it up.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S SHOWER SUCKS

The temperature changes
It chills me to the bone
It makes me wish that I was
cleaning myself at home

It makes me grumpy and
sometimes I lose hope
The water's hard, so I can
never rinse the soap

and it's got no pressure
The water dribbles down on me
and it's got no pressure
It's like the shower's going pee

-GOLDFINGER

Funny right? Yeah. Not if its real. I almost wonder if MD dated this guy simply because I'd swear he's singing about her shower. Its uncanny.

(elapsed time 10 minutes)

Thank god. That rant took a little more time. Thirteen minutes to go kids. Just bare with me. If I don't shower soon, I think my clothes are going to pack up and find a better life. I actually fear this. They're dirty enough that I think they're going to start walking around by themselves any minute now. Speaking of any minute now, only ten to go.

(elapsed time 3 minutes)

... *brain fart*

(elapsed time 45 seconds)

This is killing me. It could be worse. *drums fingers* *bites thumbnail*

(elapsed time 9 minutes and 15 seconds)

Thank heavens. I'm outta here ya'll.

Yes. I know there is no point to this post.

2006-02-16T17:08:00.000-05:00

-Radio edit-

blaaahhhhahahaha

*runs circles*
*fucks dog*
*brain no focus*

*BELCH*
I need to eat better.

*HACK*
smoking is bad for me.

The Pole Reversal of Valentine's

2006-02-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

This morning a very lovely lady turns to me on the transit system & asks, "Oh! Did you do your hair like that for Valentine's Day?"

"Um... no. I don't believe in this thing you call Valentine's Day."

"Oh. I see."

"I did this for a party I helped throw last Saturday."

"Was it fun?"

"Definitely"

"See ya! Have a good day!" *smiles*

This is rather unusual, you see. Folks on transit don't normally start conversations with me. Fair enough though, my hair is not usually a brighter red than Ronald McDonald's. Whatever. It was nice & I am totally off topic.

So. Valentine's Day.

I want all of you wonderful people out there in Blogland to follow me. No, seriously. Look out to the stars! See how beautiful each one is & dream of how it can bring you hope of one day finding that perfect special someone! Very good. Now I want you to raise your hand to the stars with your palm facing you. Excellent. Now, ever so gently, I want you to curl down your index finger. Gently now. You must think of the grace and beauty of this lover's day. Now curl down your pinky. Slowly. Slow like stroking your lovely man's prostate. Now your ring finger. Good. We're almost there. Now the thumb. I know some of you are having trouble with this. (Excepting Elle and a few others) NOW THE THUMB! DO IT!!

Ah. Well done, class.

I propose that Valentine's Day take on this new representation. Your middle finger. I also propose that instead of having only one day a year to be nice and sweet to others, we do it all the time!

No. Scratch that.

How about we be nice and sweet to others for 364 days a year and THEN, on each Valentine's Day, we allow our pessimism, our anger, our lack of tolerance to SURGE to the surface for one day of species pruning! Yaas. The polar reversal of St. Valentine! We allow ourselves on this one day to take all that built up aggression and dump it on those who we hid it from all these days. Population control. Gene pool cleaning. Now we're beginning to evolve.

With this new declaration in place, I leave you now and I hope to see you all alive tomorrow. Peace.

And if you HAVE to celebrate Valentine's day the old way, at least shout my name while you're getting your coals raked. No real reason. I'd just like to imagine how many times my name might be shouted mid load blowing.

Leave Now

2006-02-08T10:29:00.000-05:00

Just stop.

Get out of my head.

Get out of my memory.

Get out of my fucking dreams.

Get out of my Saturday mornings.

I dreamt that I was selling off all of your things. They were all bright blue gems on necklaces, bracelets, broaches...

I do not fear the ghost I see in the window of our old apartment when I come home.

Just stop.

And please leave now.

2006-02-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

eat puppies

Waking From a Coma

2006-02-01T10:14:00.000-05:00

On the frozen ground he lay face up
shaking aching and coughing up

ammonia spirits piercing his nose
deliver sharp blows to come to know

and oh how they burn like January air
from truth to dare its never fair

grass brittle razors frosted light blue
very different hue but so are you

under the dead skin starting to feel
its burning parting yearning to peel

red all around and laughing like mad
staring at sutures more than he had

awake to this life one you don't know
converging two plains emerge from below

it is never its now its always been
savagery beauty commingling again

-me

A Silly Little Poem...

2006-01-26T10:01:00.000-05:00

wake in the morning
can't forget to brush
thought it was toothpaste
but grabbed the wrong mush
brushin' with foot cream
time for a mouth flush
shredded love head is
givin' you a head rush

I said How ya doin'?
you said The one on the right.
my mistake for talkin' to ya
while your brain's mid-flight
Is there anybody in there?
awareness bright as night
probably shredded love head
deer in the headlights

gettin' your swerve on
you try driving straight
its never gonna happen
because of this ADD trait
eyes spy something shiny
no wonder you're always late
must be shredded love head
you really took the bait

spent the night alone
wishin' to be fed
by a hot sweet body
wet spots on the bed
dreamin' of the friction
cold showers instead
yet another symptom of
the shredded love head

-ME

Sentence: The Chair

2006-01-09T10:15:00.000-05:00

I fear it. At least twice a month. This monster haunts my dreams. It waits silently, patiently, around the corner. I can see its self spawning ooze running down onto the floor inching ever closer to my hiding place. At the very last second, I spring from my slumber drenched in sweat, stumble to the bathroom and stare into the mirror, shaking. I splash some water on my face as so many do when nightmares come. Only, I wake up to the reality that this creature must be faced. I cannot kill it. I cannot break it. I can only appease it, subdue it for a fortnight until it is angry again.

WAIT LISTEN!! This is no ordinary monster! It wears a disguise if child-like innocence, I tell you the truth! I am strong enough to fight it but not defeat it. I AM the byronic hero that fights relentlessly. The monster? It is a demonic high-chair that a sweet little boy needs to use to have his meals. This chair throws food onto every nearby surface. As such, it must be cleaned. And wow... My predecessor would drag this beast into the shower of cleanly-Godliness, sizzling off all that was evil & encrusted. But the chair prevailed. My predecessor laid down her fiery sword so that she could rest (and teach Pilates). I now carry the burden. I must first soak it for an hour with cleaning spray, scrape the evil loose with only a toothbrush & a butter-knife (thanks to many nooks & crannies), THEN, I too, drag it into the shower of cleanly-Godliness.

We are safe.

For now...

Did You Know?

2006-01-05T13:29:00.000-05:00

Your cigarettes contain:

acetone
(finger nail polish remover)

cadmium
(used in batteries)

hexamine
(barbecue lighter)

acetic acid
(vinegar)

carbon monoxide
(car exhaust)

hydrogen cyanide
(poison)

ammonia
(toilet cleaner)

methane
(sewer gas)

arsenic
(poison)

DDT/Dieldrin
(used to kill bugs)

methanol
(rocket fluid)

butane
(lighter fluid)

ethanol
(alcohol)

naphthalene
(mothballs)

nicotine
(insecticide)

stearic acid
(candle wax)

toluene
(industrial solvent)

YES I FUCKING KNEW!!

Shit, man. The problem is not that I haven't learned the dangers of inhaling carcinogens. The problem isn't even completely that I am addicted. The problem is that I absofuckinlutely LOVE to smoke. It is even better when I have been drinking. When I smoke MJ then a few hours later have one cigarette, I am stoned off my ass all over again.

Mary Jane instead? No problem except that it makes me a zombie to be a chronic... I'd rather smoke cigs.

but it has to stop

but if I forbid myself from tobacco (as I have in the past), I relapse

every time

occasional? socially? Not likely.

Bigger Better FASTER MORE

How American of me. But all I have to say to the ones who care for my health is that I'm sorry. I will try again. I will likely fail again. But I will always keep trying.

MOTHERS AGAINST NOISE

2005-12-25T12:04:00.000-05:00

Click the title to see the link.

I found this web page open on my computer. I think the MightyDoll found it while I was at work. She finds the strangest things online.

Needless to say, but this was my email reply:

Subject: Careful, Jesus.

Content:

Wow. Please tell me this is a big joke. But in the terrible case that it is not, I have this to deliver:

1. With things like war, slavery, abuse, starvation, disease, genocide, racism, pollution, murder, and rape (things that have afflicted this planet since way before your little crusade), it is had to imagine that this is the best you can come up with to do with your free time.

2. NOBODY has the ability to say what is and what is not art to other people. It is only your opinion. That is why we have something called the First Amendment. Ever read that one?

3. You mentioned Mozart being just fine. However, in that time period, it was considered highly contoversial and ultimately too much for the human ears to tolerate. (you did do SOME research, right?)

4. "In noise music, the actual musical part has become more and more debased away from these standards and has slowly replaced them with desperation and a distorted view on the world." As we evolve (most of the waking world), the very spirit of art, in all its diverse facets, are constantly removing from what is considered "standard" specifically because the artist has a different (not distorted) view on the world that they wish to share with the rest of us.

5. "I cant blame anyone for being ignorant about this subject, since noise is a brand new genre of music." Again, do you research or just rant about what you obviously should not be listening to because your fragile, virgin, fundamentalist ears are too closed minded for you to realize that all you have here is a tiny little voice trying to shout from a soap box. You might not be able to blame millions of people for being ignorant but I can sure has hell blame you for making the mistake of trying to shelter everything you find contoversial and inappropriate from you & those around you.

6. You speak of Rock & Roll at the idea that it is a rebellion. Finally you have landed on something that rings true! But oops! You missed one irremovable truth about Rock & Roll. Before it is rebellious it is primal. It is rooting very deep into the human psyche and drawing on something that was never lost with the "progress of civilization" (thanks to evolving art). This being the need to be moved in your heart, mind, body and soul. The rebellious part? Created specifically to sell the music. Think about this if you dare: The lyrical content and "noise" that accompanies it usually offends the parents and more over, the older generations. If it offends you, your knee jerk reaction is to ban it which causes kids to covet it all the more. Do you really think the likes of Marilyn Manson and Eninem would really be that successful if people like you did NOT protest outside their shows? They're playing your asses to maximize the very voices that you are failing miserably to smother. Besides, at one point swing & big band music was considered depraved and immoral as well. I'll spell it out for you. This did not start with Elvis shaking his hips.

7. "Below is a list of some of them that I can tell you, just by reading song titles or looking at the record covers, need to be destroyed if you find them in your child's collection." I wonder, do you burn books too? It has been said that those who burn books (and other art forms DO apply) are not far from burning people. Hrm... World War II comes to mind. Haven't we burnt our evolutionary hands on that stove-top enough yet?

8. Your righteousness will not avail you. Why? Glad you asked. I really enjoy to bringing this last point to you. The music is much to loud and connecting of a voice to the new generations for you to ever have an impact that is anything more than contributing to higher record sales. How am I so sure? Well, I do hate to be rude but this is the bottom line: You're older. You will die of age and bodily decay first. Ha ha.

So here is my recommendation to you. STOP LISTENING OR PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO IT! You will not understand nor overcome it.

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Mighty Indeed

2005-12-20T18:08:00.000-05:00

Patient.
Kind.
Beautiful.
Great listener.
Spectacular in bed.
Hurts from the past like the rest of us.
Excellent mother.
Quirky.
Loves games.
Loves music.
Loves movies.
Always complimenting.
Trooper.
Good cook.
Very generous.
Cuddly.
Talented.
Smart.
Easy going.
Hates Bush.
Thinks for herself.
Honest.
Likes to spend lots of time with me.

For which I am so grateful.

Thank you... and I can't wait to see you again.

New sentences said from me to my employer:

2005-12-09T18:38:00.000-05:00

One day, I am going to set you on fire. I will watch your skin bubble and crisp until you are nothing but carbon in the breeze.

According to you, 2+2=5. I hope you choke.

So, let me get this straight. You DON'T want me to be a robot, you just want me to be an extension of yourself. So that would make me a clone instead?

THAT'S IT. I'M GOING OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW TO PISS IN YOUR GAS TANK & SLASH YOUR FUCKING TIRES!

Don't you fucking shush me like a 5 year old.

Thank you for the pizza.

I'm going to stab you in the eyes and skull fuck you.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

I'm going to cut your head off and shit down your neck hole.

You suck.

Go procreate with yourself. (Thanks Othercat)

Do you actually have a meeting? Or are you just going to go underneath your manager's desk?

I lost 20 pounds humping your mom.

Hubris Practices Drawing

2005-11-29T21:47:00.000-05:00

Worth the Price

2005-11-23T12:11:00.000-05:00

So last weekend my folks marked their 35 wedding anniversary with a nice celebration dinner at a seafood restaurant. My presence was a surprise to them because they did not expect me to afford the trip. Thanks to my sister for paying for my train ticket. My mom was in tears. She was that excited that I could make it.

It was actually very difficult for me to be there. An anniversary party full of friends and family supporting 35 years of successful loving cooperation staring me in the face. I couldn't help but feel like a failure regarding my own destroyed marriage. These thoughts kept swimming trough my head and by the time we got to the restaurant, I was ready to numb myself. It went something like: 1 screwdriver, 2 screwdriver, 3 screwdriver, floor. I didn't actually hit the floor but the relevance of my issues sure did. I guess that is the beauty of numbing one's self in order to either help move on or simply have a good time.

So now I'm good & drunk & the party's over. My sister drives me back to the house with my mom & aunt in tow in the car behind us. My mom rushes up to our window & says with urgency to immediately get into the back seat of her car.

umm... k.

My sister asks, "Are we putting on our makeup?" My sister drags my drunk ass into the back seat of a 2 door Civic along with her 5 month old Great Dane. My mom declares that she's driving & my aunt takes the front passenger seat. As we pull away I ask where we're going & they all in unison reply that we're putting on our makeup. By the time my aunt pulls out a fat-ass joint for us to share I realize that "makeup" actually means getting stoned off our asses. This is merely a weak subterfuge for my dad. (seriously, like he doesn't know)

Wow dudes, this is the kind of giggly dope ya pray to get. We were laughing so hard, my mom is swerving as she drives & every time I exhale, the Great dane is putting his nose right into the smoke. We pull into the driveway after the joint is gone and we all put on lipstick. Yes, me & the dog too. We then stumbled out of the Civic like circus clowns giggling hysterically & the dog was staggering clumsily like the walking battle machines from Star Wars. My dad was in the doorway with arms folded & he asks if the dog was high as well. I replied "Probably" as the last bit of smoke belched out of my lungs & I fell to the floor of the garage to finish my giggle fit.

Damn what a cool weekend. I've never smoked MJ with mom before, let alone hot-boxed a Civic while driving with her. I'd say that smoking experience rates in the top 10 of all time with 2 or 3 belonging to Sass & Othercat & the rest are surely with LSAD & the Marijuana Madonna.

P-A-R-T. Y? Cuz I GOTTA! (Muddafuckin 2wice)

2005-11-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

POWER FAILURE
I BLOODY HATE WRITING POSTS TWICE!
I BARELY FIND TIME TO WRITE THEM ONCE!

Saturday went off without a hitch. Wait. What the fuck does that mean anyway? I have never had a hitch hinder any of my plans...

Yeah, whatever. So last Saturday I had my very first, very own party. This is a first because I have always lived with someone. Therefore all parties were co-hosted. Separated=my house biatch=my friends=my party! I'd like to thank those that came.

GUILTY PARTIES:
Sassinak
Othercat
MightyDoll & 2 friends, L & S
Lividviv & 2 friends, J & T
TA (who probably wouldn't mind if you took it as T&A ;)
JM (ex-coworker)
AF
MM (who fucking rocks, see below)

In fact, all but a couple of the people in the GTA that I care for came! We missed you!

This gathering has meant more to me than some of you may realize.
Here is a special toast to the MighyDoll who is definitely that and much more! A wonderful lady who learned that the banks were closed last Friday. This meant I could not cash my paycheck. Which meant that for the party I had:
no clean clothes
no food
no drinks

I also planned to clean but I ended up not having much time for that. This sweetheart allows me to borrow cash for food, goes shopping with me & helps me carry it home, & while I'm at work the next day she cleaned my home & my clothes! I was nearly moved to leaky eyes. She is the reason I got to have a party at all. Thank you.

I did invite 2 people from the SCA. One rsvp'd but neither showed up. Whatever the fuck. That circle is messed if you ask me. I like the idea that a circle consists of friends, not gossip and hierarchy. I seem to remember that there was a very good reason that our civilization left despotism & monarchy in the past. Why reenact that? It adds an element of dysfunction to an otherwise functional circle of friends... wait, maybe it doesn't... it is, after all, an organized escapism community. It really is fine by my because I felt like I was sinking there anyway.

--------------------------

We have one chance.
One chance to get everything right.
We have one chance, one chance.
And if we're lucky we might.
My friends, my habits, my family,
they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in,
just to head back out again and go off sinkin'.

-MODEST MOUSE

--------------------------
Fine with me because this only serves to drive the axe deeper into a gap not started by but certainly being severed further by yours truly. Among the others of course. I don't doubt for one second that they are happier for it as well. There is just that whole thing about I don't give a shit. But the gap is sad to me because of this one person. Anne. But I also believe that the pain of this gap will be subdued once I can no longer see the other side in a familiar way.
--------------------------

There's a gap in between
There's a gap where we meet
Where I end and you begin

And I'm sorry for us
The dinosaurs roam the earth
The sky turns green
Where I end and you begin

I am up in the clouds
I am up in the clouds
And I can't and I can't come down

I can watch but not take part
Where I end and where you start
Where you, you left me alone
You left me alone

X will now mark the place
Like the parting of the waves
Like a house falling into the sea
Into the sea

I will eat you all alive

There'll be no more lies

-RADIOHEAD

--------------------------
A dead life. Along with many dreams and hopes. But I have not been buried with it. I am now remade. I was Fall. I was Winter. I am now Spring. Most importantly, I am.
--------------------------

Don't disturb
The beast
The tempermental goat
The snail while he's feeding on
the Rose
Stay frozen, compromising
What I will
I am

Bend around
The wind silently
thrown about
Again I'm treading so
Soft and lightly
Compromising my will
I am

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Play dead
Play your doe
in the headlights locked down
and terrified
Your deer in the headlights
shot down and horrified when
Push comes to pull comes to shove
Comes to step around this
Self-destructing dance that never
would've ended till I rose,
I roared aloud here
I will
I am.

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Lay dead
Play this
Kneel down
Gun-shy Martyr
Pitiful
I rose, I roared
I will
I am

- A PERFECT CIRCLE

--------------------------
It seems that has been on my mind for a while now. That was good to have another little purge. Do you notice that they are getting less explosive? Hopefully that doesn't return. I like that this last song is the loudest in my head lately.

Now on to the thanks to MM. A girl from work that came to my party. Also a girl who walked in on her day off to offer me a ticket to see Nine Inch Nails that night! "Twist my rubber arm."

So I went and the thing is that I saw them in 2000 when NIN was still my favorite band. At the time they could do no wrong. But now that they have a new album out which did not impress me, I was there to critique the show. And can I just say, Trent Reznor still has it! There was a lack of interaction with the audience but that was more than made up for by the stunning sound quality & fantastic visuals. The videos flashed a lot of war & weapon footage. It made for nice propaganda against those atrocities.

Thanks MM! You fuckin Rock!

Hey, LSD! you asked... In Her Own Words.

2005-11-01T14:14:00.000-05:00

I'm open-minded and contemplative. I love to write and to take time to think about the input I've received before stating my opinions.

My two children are my career currently, however as they grow I'm beginning to dip myself back into some of my outside pursuits. I'm a writer by disposition, but I'm exceedingly shy about showing my material to anyone. My education is in film and television production and most of my career experience has been in early childhood education/special needs care.

I'm currently separated from my husband, however we still cohabitate (in separate rooms, naturally) for ease of living and for the sake of the children. We are on very good terms despite our relationship differences.

What I'm doing with my life:
Raising my kids, writing, taking pictures, people watching, learning.

I'm really good at:
Short prose, starting conversations, tasteless humour, attracting wierd people...seriously, I'm like a crazy magnet. I don't mind. It gives me good stories to tell.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
My hair.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
People, psychology and sociology, educational theory. How to avoid getting burned to a crisp in the sun. My kids. My friends. Celtic mythology. Mysticism. Words. Nature. The noble and majestic Tofutelope. Sex. Weird people. Weird Sex.

On a typical Friday night I am:
Going where my feet lead me, Sometimes that's a club, or a more intimate gathering of friends, sometimes it's a local concert or on alternating Fridays Kung Fu Friday. Or home looking after the kids and reading or hanging out with a friend or two.

Things in my life are rarely typical, though.

Don't you hate pants?

The Mighty Doll:

In my words, MD is exciting, sexciting, brainy, beautiful, fun, inspiring, sweet, the list goes on but I ran out of lunch break for now.

MD, hope to see you very soon. ;)

Need to feel? Just plug in.

2005-10-29T12:10:00.000-04:00

I have always been lacking in the decent costume department for Halloween. Each year the make-up or idea is shitty & that's even if I dress up at all.

Well this year, that is all starting to change. This costume is not likely to win any best of prizes but I still think it is funny as hell.

So here it is. I decided to go as "External Validation"

So Mighty Doll & I went out to the Funhaus for a bit of loud music & lurching around whilst wearing our Halloween get up. I say lurching because it is the closest I come to dancing. She went as a raver zombie! It was hot for sure. All kinds of glowing shit - that strange blue light that seems to put a spell on me every time. She did a great job of looking quite dead with just regular OTC makeup. Her outfit was complete with all the toys a high raver likes to wear & play with.

Other than the mask, I dressed in all new black clothes. That's it. Now this is the part I totally didn't see coming:

HUGE REACTION!

Lots of compliments, lots of complaints, and 2 freak-outs are the result of wearing a piece of cardboard made to look like a Hydro outlet. I have NEVER received this much attention. First, there was a drunk guy on the transit streetcar. Seeing me from behind he slurs,"what the fuck are you supposed to be?" I whipped my head his way & he was genuinely startled. "Awe fuck man, it is so simple. But fuck that its freakin me out. Stop looking at me." So I turn away. THEN the guy sits his drunk ass in the seat directly in front of me! "No seriously dude, stop fucking looking at me!!" "Look buddy, you sat in front of ME."

Seriously like every five minutes or every time I got up to go to the restroom. "Oh my God. That is fucking awesome!"

Really? Thanks. I though it was funny to the point of ridiculous. But Awesome?

And I got kinda high on the attention. There were lots of costumes out there. Sooo much eye candy. But never before have those folks asked if they could take MY picture. Woah.

please do not feed the ego. It would be all to easy for a boy generally ignored for 25 years to go crazy from too much 'cool'. MD said it was rockstar even. Wow dude. Me? Way to make me feel good...

The part that amazes me is that every one else put a lot of effort into their costume or at least their makeup & hair. My mask took 20 minutes to make. Not that it felt cheap but I do feel like either simplicity rocks or they all just tried too hard.

I had a blast with MD as usual. Damn she knows how to have fun. & particularly knows how to make this boy feel beautiful. Then, my dear friends, there was a wonderful breakfast. Followed by... a wonderful breakfast! mmmmm I hate work. but I loooove breakfast.

rockstar... how fun.

PayDay! & the Escape from the Retail Computer Store!

2005-10-28T16:25:00.000-04:00

Hubris grabs his gear, it is all here: rope, stars, katana, poison vials... He peeks around the corner. The coast is clear... for now. Snaking through laser sensors and motion detectors are but a simple silent task. He counts the sleeping dogs.. there are only 4 here! Where are the others?! Never the less, he chloroforms the Pit Bulls at his feet. The others will have to be dealt with later. Starting towards the office, tip toe like kids on Christmas morning. On his back he reaches under the lasers for the bottom of the manager's desk & pulls himself underneath. His fingers crawl into the top drawer containing the payroll documents. He thumbs through & finds his paycheck! Mission half complete- now to get the fuck outa here. He leaps from the desk top & his fingers land on the crimpy madness of the top of the door jam & he curls his body forward over the lasers. But just barely, his shoulderbalde crosses the laser and the alarm is tripped! SHIT the boss is on to him! He can see the decrepit old man whiping his flashlight to and fro. He crawls across the floor to the door, ever so silently comes up behind his boss & skewers dat bitch thru the spinal column! As the man falls to his knees, Nick winds back & with his perfect Japanese steel, slices through the neck of his mortal enemy. Before his boss' head even has time to roll to the floor, Hubris dives out the 2nd floor window narrowly escaping fur coat-razor blades and a hailstorm of small caliber bullets sprayed by the security force hired to cease his escape! As a last big Fuck You, he jumps & does a hand stand on the razor-wire fence before disappearing into the night to join his busty lusty lover for an evening of hot raw passion.

Lover awaits, breath hot on her lips, face flush with excitement and anticipation.

Written by HH with help from the MD.

Angel Test Results from OKCupid

2005-10-14T12:19:00.000-04:00

You are Ariel.

So you need Healing (43%), Knowledge (30%), Inspiration (70%), and Strength (62%)?

Archangel Ariel is he Angel of courage, nature, and wild beasts. He inspires us to live our life to the fullest and without fear, and to let go of what is hurting or controlling us. He assures us that we are never alone, even in the darkest times. Most importantly, he advices us to face our fears and fight them so that our brave actions may set us free of the boundaries that keep us from becoming who we are meant to be.
Ariel bestows those that have to do battle in their day to day life with the armour of unshakeable faith and confidence. Those “battles” may take place in court, in the form of competition among athletes, on the schoolyard, or in the attempt of protecting one’s children and loved ones. Also, he is probably the best source of inspiration and inner strength for those striving to protect and heal injured animals and plants.

Ariel is known as the Archangel of the Earth because he works tirelessly on behalf of our planet. He is in charge of supervising the realm of Earth Angels that are sometimes referred to as the mythical creates we call fairies, elves, etc. He assists the human realm in connecting with the realm of Earth Angels and to build a relationship of harmony and balance. By doing so, Ariel and his legion of Earth Angels can help us to understand the natural rhythms of the earth and experience the magic and healing properties of the trees, flowers, rocks and soil. Ariel loves those who appreciate nature and its beauty, and rewards them by becoming their infinite source of joy and inspiration.

A Bit of Trivia:

Ariel is associated with lions and other animals of the non-domesticated kind. He is the ruler of the elemental kingdom, and as such oversees the sylphs, nymphs, salamanders and gnomes, the spirits of the four elements. Just like Gabriel and Jophiel, Ariel is sometimes referred to as a female. He is sometimes confused with the Archangel Uriel.

I am an overseer AND I have a legion? ...sweeeeet!

A picture of Ariel according to Neon Genesis Evangelion:

Saved By A Team of Russian Super-Heroes!

2005-10-12T16:06:00.000-04:00

I was at work today and BFI came and emptied our dumpster completely. At this news, my boss says he wants the entire heap of cardboard & trash out of the back hall and into the dumpster outside. Cool with me, I like those days when I get to do something slightly out of the norm. So our dumpster is in the back alley where many people park and deliveries come & go. I get this entire pile outside first (for security) and then began to move it over to the dumpster. Slow work because there was so much to throw away that we would have gotten screwed by the Fire Chief had he decided to inspect the safety of our roomy halls. Seriously, a 20 ft. long hall that is at least 6 ft. wide and we had inches to squeeze through.

So just as I start moving the pile, this guy runs up, looks at my pile of garbage and shouts, "OKAY GUYS, LET'S GIVE HIM A HAND WITH THIS!!!" Before I know what's going on, 5 or 6 large men hop out of a tractor truck and rush over to my trash heap & carry it ALL to the dumpster and throw it in!

x*What the fuck!?*x

Where did these garbage ninjas come from? They materialized out of thin air and were gone as quick as they came. Along with a whole 15 minutes of heavy trash humping that I'd have had to do all alone. I was of course grateful; and felt a little like I had just been rescued from some kind of diabolical Supreme Sludge Lord of the deep that had been festering in our back hallway for the last two months. I realized later that they had a tight schedule to keep and that my garbage monster was occupying the entire available driveway of our back alley. As they left, I wasn't sure whether to wave or salute or fold my helpless hands together and place them over my wanting heart like the damsel in distress of old lame tales.

What an amusing morning...

The Lost Art of Curling Up With Someone

2005-10-12T12:30:00.000-04:00

I'm constantly randy. That is no secret. Given the option, I will likely choose sex. (why does it rule me so?) While this desire is hardly ever appeased no matter how much playtime I get to indulge in, I think I have a growing desire for finding someone to do absolutely nothing with. That desire has always been there. After all, I'm a softy, a frantic romantic (hopeless at that), inherently sweet (thanks Sass), & childlike. I tend to see lazing on a couch with someone for hours & hours as time very well spent. That sweet warmth of someone curled up with me. In the bitter Winter's freeze, I love to hide inside with hot cocoa or coffee & movies & games. Wrapped in warm dry blankets and wool socks to take off when its too hot and rub chilly feet together when it is too cold again. Napping, snoozing, comatose afternoons...

So this was inspired by someone else's recent post on the same subject.

But quite simply, it is not that simple. A small fire was there before. This was fanned into what this post reveals. All it took was sleeping. Not before, not after. Those barely awake parts of gently brushing skin. It made me realize just how much I miss that kind of innocence. I was apologized to but for what? I was not wronged. I chose to be there. Instead I feel the need to apologize for being a part of what was later identified as a bad idea. Not my fault yet an accomplice.

Plus there is this to consider: am I impatient as fuck? Maybe. I seem to want it all like it should be a given. Or like it was always there until now. I feel selfish because I could stand to engage in this type of activity with many women. One at a time of course. I've never want to try to manage multiple relationships ever again. My archives are evidence of that. But I also feel selfless because I care differently but greatly for each of these individuals as well. I care about what they think & say & feel... even if I disagree across the board. Do I care too much? Am I not enough of a prick? Why don't I just want to be left the fuck alone? I just don't. I love to care, I love to love, I love to listen. Is it not the opposite of these that makes someone selfish? Or is it selfish to be so enthralled with those for my own desire of observation and social education?

Still... for the next person I get to get to do fun stuff with, some lyrics that run through my head:

Obstacle 2

I'm gonna pull you in close
I'm gonna wrap you up tight
I'm gonna play with the braids that you came here with tonight
I'm gonna hold your face, and toast the snow that fell
Cuz friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell

I feel like love is in the kitchen with a culinary eye
I think he's making something special
And I'm smart enough to try
If you don't trust yourself for at least one minute each day,
Well you should trust in this, girl, cuz something is coming our way.

If you can fix me up we'll go a long way
If you can fix me up, girl, we'll go a long way.

I will stand by all this drinking if it helps me through these days
It takes a long time just to get this all straight.
I'll showcase on Route 7 when I find the right place
It takes a long time just to get this all straight
In my mind, this is my free-time

Cuz friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell.
(Take my love in real small doses)

To let it all away
Spend it all today
Spend it all today
It took time then I found you.

-Interpol

Work in Progress

2005-10-11T23:17:00.000-04:00

This was coughed up in less than an hour but I like it so far. I hope to nurture this into a song at some point.

i have to go away now
i have one extra seat
for you if you wanna now
said at the last meet
but last is last
its in the past
there's no double back

made your choice
listen to me
my voice
its true
this seat fits more than you
and its you I lose
but I still don't lose
cuz we're poised to fly
not flee but try
not with me
to sever this tie
its sad and I'm glad
this state of broken me
but broke and free

and thanks again
i'll never be the same
its a shame
the time it took
to share the blame
accusatory games
and story after story
no winners no glory
in this sort of quarrel
thwarted
after I invested
in hind sight detested

but why'd you have to show me
who you are and never
want to touch me again
you're locked in your pen
i can't reach you
shit I lost another friend

we toasted the moon
and drank Kool-Aid
but I had to spit
can't take the taste of shit
it was worth what I made
of myself the price I paid
to quit playing charades
you begin to fade
your shades dissolving
under paths now laid

-me

Seasons Roll

2005-09-24T20:52:00.000-04:00

October skies
Brought dreams of demise
In those dormant times

Clouds like the storms
Of three months before
Made my greens no more

Despising browns
That littered the ground
Ever brought me down

I wept at grays
Tried to turn away
And lost track of days

This heart of mine
Fell in love with pines
Let it please remind

Message to send
So said my best friend
That greens have no end

How true that rings
While waiting for Spring
My soul starts to sing

Viridian
I gaze at the glen
My love comes again

-me

and my

green

This work was insipred by my new neighbor. He lives in my old apartment next door. I met him once to give him some dishwasher soap that I had left over due to the fact that I have no dishwasher in my new place. Then, on the 21st of September, I came home to find a note taped to my door and a bag around my door knob. The bag contained homade goods. A jar of corn soup, a jar of canned vegetables, and a bottle of wine.

The note attached read,
"As the days begin to shorten, and the toils of Summer are gathered, let us not forget to give thanks and share with others the bounty. Happy Autumn Solstice! -J. Michael, #204"

I wept at this kindness as I unwrapped the gifts that I was given.

Thank you, Universe. You have fabulous timing.

New Works

2005-09-24T01:03:00.000-04:00

Let the chips fall where they may
I try without delay and never pay
attention to or be led astray
by relentless infectious regret
keep it at bay or be consumed
day after day float on float away
on a breath of freedom
fighting decay of empathy
convey and portray
something real
something honest
something other than grey

-me

Jeez man, lighten up

2005-09-23T01:11:00.000-04:00

While walking to work today I saw two men in a quarrel. As I am approaching, one man is waking backwards with four large cement chunks behind his back. The other is walking towards him asking repeatedly, "Have you ever felt bullets piercing your skin?"

I simply cannot fathom how people so easily let it come to that. I just know that it is indeed easy. (see my comment on lividviv's recent post)

Goodnight and for God's sake, peace to all.

LSAD. Glad you spoke up.

2005-09-21T01:07:00.000-04:00

It just so happens that I have had an opportunity to speak with our puke... uh I mean fearless leader regarding his Se7en list. Though he swore he'd only tell me in the strictest of confidence, I feel it is my civic duty, as a freedom (fries) loving citizen of Oceania (fuck. I did it again) I mean United States of America, to inform the masses of this rare & personal glimpse into the mind of such a global visionary.

So here it is direct from the mouth of the keystone of rightlessness & nationalism as dictated by Hubris Humility:

SE7EN

Se7en things that scare me
- Flint, Michigan
- competent public speaking
- trees
- Canada
- anyone educated on a post-secondary level
- comedians like Bill Hicks and Dave Chapelle
- brown people

Se7en things i like the most
- OIL MUTHAFUCKA
- strip mining
- inviting clueless friends to be invaluable parts of the national corporation
- clear cutting
- invading other sovereign nations for no excusable reason
- Eddie
- Me of course

Se7en most important things in my wing
- my stock ticker for energy companies (if only I could read it on my own)
- my pet called Eddie (I wish I knew how to link this fucker... no. no I don't)
- my Risk game... are you sure its only a game?
- my TV
- THE red button
- my money stuffed bed
- my dartboard featuring the face of Ani DiFranco

Se7en random facts about me
- I really think a space shield is a great idea
- My IQ is 73
- I am a wrecking fairy
- I am a Fortunate Son
- my hands are very soft from all the work I've done in my life
- I can't tell the difference between speaking and taking a massive shit
- I am a donkey raping shit eater

Se7en things I plan to do before I die
- North America
- Europe
- Asia
- Africa... (ooo! I did that one already!!)
- South America
- Australia
- Hmmm. Not much I can do with Antarctica. I guess I'll have scorch the skies of this planet with nuclear winter instead.

Se7en things I can do
- contribute to the decay of western society
- ride bikes
- golf
- rely on media to lie convincingly
- rely on fear to back up the lies
- fishing
- rig the ever loving fuck out of national elections... twice

Se7en things I can't do
- fight my own wars
- tolerate opinions
- understand why sex is fun
- be compassionate
- love
- more damage to the Earth than she can wash away
- read

Se7en things I say the most (quoted except for the first)
- (insert any incomprehensible rhetoric not unlike what John Madden does when commentating for the NFL)
- I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I am going to be the president of everybody.
- ... and we're movin' forward.
- This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.
- I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.
- Our nation must come together to unite
- Do you have blacks too?

-------------------------------------------------------
adding this:
se7en things that attract me to a (wo)man:
- Desire for conquest... through me (Good God I love Risk)
- Acting like a piece of corporate art
- puritanical sex
- anything as long as I'm looking trough my beer goggles
- Flashing a little ankle
- Bare feet
- denial
--------------------------------------------------------

Se7en celeb crushes
- Pat Robertson
- Condoleeza Rice
- Jerry Falwell
- Toby Keith
- Rush Limbaugh
- Dick Cheney (and what a dick indeed)
- Lance

Smoking green on a dance with Red Death

2005-09-20T03:06:00.000-04:00

I love being there. With friends of gold. With sweets of green. Skies of grey tuned blue. There at Red Death, a hillside deep in the Grey County National Forest. The dusty dirt beneath my feet. Looking out on the horizon, seeing the hills in the distance, the stars over my head, viewing the vast amounts of trees and thinking, "Yup. I've shit many times in those woods." I think that is the only spot on this Earth that has bits of my diet contributing to the local ecosystem. That is obviously not the point. The point is that I was with some of the most incredible people on this trip. My best of friends and a few budding golds. There were many laughs; some drug induced. Then again, Where there is LSAD and I, there is usually much giggling to be done whether green is present or not.

This trip marks the first of hopefully many outdoor rock climbing excursions. We visited Metcafe Rock just a few clicks from our dumping ground. The difference between out & indoor climbing is far more dramatic than I thought. When they say it is at least a grade higher than indoor, they're right. I was a little intimidated by the rock at first. For example: when you find a loose hold, you cannot ask management to tighten it for your safety. So we worked on traverses. Mostly because there was a concern about going much higher than six feet. Something about a small crashpad and brutal rocky landings... I don't know. I do know that coming off the wall, missing the crashpad completely and landing on a corner of a slanted rock does smart enough to make you use every ounce of nightmarish crimping madness you can muster to stick that fucking move and thereby realize that you could do more than you thought possible. Also, when you succeed in doing this you tend to get that great encouragement from your companions like "Clink-clank. You hear that? Dude's getting balls of steel." Thanks man. That feels real good.

Then on to the other side and down into a crevasse. A beautiful semi-hidden place bearing trees a thousand years old. Wander to the right spot and you will find an opportunity for a little spelunking. I was down there a year ago. The rock has indeed shifted since last year. Okay... That was a little unnerving for sure. Still it was just as worth it to go down there again.

The only thing that upset me this weekend was the nature-rapists who were there the week before. We're talking garbage- the kind you cannot burn. They just trashed the place. Coils of wire, countless beer bottles, pots n pans, plastics, styrofoam... and as if that was not enough, they cut down dozens of saplings in the area. NOT EVEN TO BURN. They used it to build a fucking Tee-pee. Not that that is any better, but the structure was pointless. It could not have provided sufficient shelter at all. They even used a live sapling pulled way over and tied down as the keystone of sorts at the top. And seriously. Is there really not enough dead wood on the ground for your nefarious plans?! A part of me hopes that they choked on the McDonald's food they ate before casting the garbage from it into the woods. Donkey raping shit eaters the lot of them.

As for the rest, I've no complaints. Stunning nature, beautiful friends, good laughs, good food, beer, green, climbing, spelunking, and cleaning up after assholes. What more could a nice guy like me want?

Thanks everyone.

Ever since

2005-09-11T07:56:00.001-04:00

-RADIO EDIT-

wanna read the smut? Get to know me then request by email.

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guess who this is for...

2005-09-11T07:55:00.000-04:00

NO, YOU DON'T

smiling in thier faces
while filling up the hole
so many dirty little places
in your filthy little worn out
broken down see through soul

baby's got a problem
tries so hard to hide
got to keep it on the surface
because everything else is dead on the other side

teeth in the necks of everyone you know
you can keep on sucking until the blood won't flow
when it starts to hurt it only helps it grow
taking all you need
(but not this time)
no, you don't

and just for the record
just so you know
I did not believe
that you could sink so low

you think that you can beat them
I know that you won't
you think you have everything
but no, you don't

-NIN

Can you smell that?

2005-09-01T07:58:00.001-04:00

-RADIO EDIT- For the unabridged version of this post, get to know me then email me.

imabigf@yahoo.com

Can you smell that? I think one of our engines has blown.

The contempt in her eyes.
The vilification of me by him.
That fucking house.
A construction site.
Sleeping in a living room on a cot.
The complacency of the others.
Fuck this place.

by the way...

"She’s got the camouflage and your looking ok,
From the bottom of the best and the worst well what can I say?
So you cocked your head to shoot me down,
And I don’t give a damn about you or this town,
No more,
Now I know the score.

Well good luck believin’ in every word they said,
I hope you have enough space in your head,
I don’t,
No but I know the score.
Need me to fall down so you can climb up some fool ass ladder,
Well good luck I hope,
I hope that something better up there.
Cause you cocked your head to shoot me down,
And I don’t give a shit about you or this town,
No more,
Now not I know the score."

-Modest Mouse -Perfect Disguise

JUST THE FACTS MA'AM part 3

2005-09-01T07:57:00.001-04:00

-RADIO EDIT-

Wanna read the smut? Get to know me then email me.

imabigf@yahoo.com

JUST THE FACTS MA'AM Part II

2005-08-28T09:09:00.000-04:00

-RADIO EDIT-

Wanna read the smut? Get to know me and then email me.

imabigf@yahoo.com