Extra Long Weekend

-WARNING! THIS POST WILL BE ACROSS-THE-BOARD DISGUSTING-

And not the kind of long weekend you really want. I had a cough about a week ago, but of course it waits until the weekend and plenty of free time arrives for the real sickness to rear its ugly head. And wow was it ugly. Ya know how it sounds when you reach the bottom of your fountain drink from the local fast food joint? Yeah, that's how it sounds when I breathe. I cannot lay down to sleep lest I aspirate the goop that I'm already half drowning in. I cannot sleep sitting up either... unless, of course, I am sitting in a church pew or a school desk.

So if you ever played Unreal Tournament 2004, you'd know that one of the weapons you can use to melt your enemy is the Bio-gun.
*Little girl in back of class raises hand*
"Mr. Hubris, what's a Bio-gun?"
"Well Miss Asks-too-many-questions, a Bio-gun is a firearm designed for short range combat. This weapon discharges a large glob of brownish-green biohazardous waste in a sort of weak lob- not unlike throwing a softball. This brownish-green biohazardous waste or 'bio-ooze' is often acidic in nature and thus melts one's enemy on contact. If you miss, make sure you do not step in it- this is no ordinary pile of shit."

EVERYBODY DUCK!

*HACK COUGH WHEEZE*

I didn't get anyone, did I? Yeah, a stunning amount of lung butter has passed through my face in the last few days.

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BTW, there is not much in this world that is funnier than some Japanese guy wailing his electric guitar to the tune of Pachelbel's Canon. The tragedy is that he's actually a great guitar player. You'll have to copy and paste the link because blogger doesn't like to give Safari the same options as everyone else :P

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1491516901670441597&pr=goog-sl
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AND MAY THE UNIVERSE SPEED MD AS SHE GOES TO SCORE US TICKETS TO SEE THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS!
I think I'm gonna cum. I'd seriously let Karen O abuse every one of my 28 years right out of me. And yes, you naughty ones out there can watch if you really want to.
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We now return to our regularly scheduled description of my cold. So yeah, every time I cough, I expectorate just like the Bio-gun. It is actually the lack of sleep that occurs because of the hacking that has me really pissed off. Sleep is the one sure fire way to a speedy recovery. So in order to force myself to sleep I have been relying on a strong mixture to do the job. 1 part orange juice, 1 part tonic, and at least 2 parts vodka. OJ because I need the vitamin C and tons of vodka to put me to sleep and to numb the half dozen canker sores in my mouth that happen along with every cold. Shitty I tell ya. So, I called in sick 2 days in a row and let me tell ya, if I have a choice between going to work healthy or staying at home sick with movies & video games, I actually choose to work. This is only because with sickness, there is no pot smoking what so ever. Man, home for four days in a row and no bodily permission to get high. That is the very definition of hell. I'm back at work now, still hacking up and feeding the plants every 30 seconds. I still sound like the bottom of a fountain drink. Another 5 days or so and I can return to my chronic drug abuse.

Here is another big thank you to the lovely Miss Mighty Doll. Twice now, she has nursed me back to health with delicious soup that I wish I could taste, medicine that I wish would work better than it does, and gaming and company unparalleled. Thank you sweetie. I owe you two.

*HACK GASP WHARF*

excuse me. I need to go find a plant to feed.