P-A-R-T. Y? Cuz I GOTTA! (Muddafuckin 2wice)

POWER FAILURE
I BLOODY HATE WRITING POSTS TWICE!
I BARELY FIND TIME TO WRITE THEM ONCE!

Saturday went off without a hitch. Wait. What the fuck does that mean anyway? I have never had a hitch hinder any of my plans...

Yeah, whatever. So last Saturday I had my very first, very own party. This is a first because I have always lived with someone. Therefore all parties were co-hosted. Separated=my house biatch=my friends=my party! I'd like to thank those that came.

GUILTY PARTIES:
Sassinak
Othercat
MightyDoll & 2 friends, L & S
Lividviv & 2 friends, J & T
TA (who probably wouldn't mind if you took it as T&A ;)
JM (ex-coworker)
AF
MM (who fucking rocks, see below)

In fact, all but a couple of the people in the GTA that I care for came! We missed you!

This gathering has meant more to me than some of you may realize.
Here is a special toast to the MighyDoll who is definitely that and much more! A wonderful lady who learned that the banks were closed last Friday. This meant I could not cash my paycheck. Which meant that for the party I had:
no clean clothes
no food
no drinks

I also planned to clean but I ended up not having much time for that. This sweetheart allows me to borrow cash for food, goes shopping with me & helps me carry it home, & while I'm at work the next day she cleaned my home & my clothes! I was nearly moved to leaky eyes. She is the reason I got to have a party at all. Thank you.

I did invite 2 people from the SCA. One rsvp'd but neither showed up. Whatever the fuck. That circle is messed if you ask me. I like the idea that a circle consists of friends, not gossip and hierarchy. I seem to remember that there was a very good reason that our civilization left despotism & monarchy in the past. Why reenact that? It adds an element of dysfunction to an otherwise functional circle of friends... wait, maybe it doesn't... it is, after all, an organized escapism community. It really is fine by my because I felt like I was sinking there anyway.

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We have one chance.
One chance to get everything right.
We have one chance, one chance.
And if we're lucky we might.
My friends, my habits, my family,
they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in,
just to head back out again and go off sinkin'.

-MODEST MOUSE

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Fine with me because this only serves to drive the axe deeper into a gap not started by but certainly being severed further by yours truly. Among the others of course. I don't doubt for one second that they are happier for it as well. There is just that whole thing about I don't give a shit. But the gap is sad to me because of this one person. Anne. But I also believe that the pain of this gap will be subdued once I can no longer see the other side in a familiar way.
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There's a gap in between
There's a gap where we meet
Where I end and you begin

And I'm sorry for us
The dinosaurs roam the earth
The sky turns green
Where I end and you begin

I am up in the clouds
I am up in the clouds
And I can't and I can't come down

I can watch but not take part
Where I end and where you start
Where you, you left me alone
You left me alone

X will now mark the place
Like the parting of the waves
Like a house falling into the sea
Into the sea

I will eat you all alive

There'll be no more lies

-RADIOHEAD

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A dead life. Along with many dreams and hopes. But I have not been buried with it. I am now remade. I was Fall. I was Winter. I am now Spring. Most importantly, I am.
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Don't disturb
The beast
The tempermental goat
The snail while he's feeding on
the Rose
Stay frozen, compromising
What I will
I am

Bend around
The wind silently
thrown about
Again I'm treading so
Soft and lightly
Compromising my will
I am

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Play dead
Play your doe
in the headlights locked down
and terrified
Your deer in the headlights
shot down and horrified when
Push comes to pull comes to shove
Comes to step around this
Self-destructing dance that never
would've ended till I rose,
I roared aloud here
I will
I am.

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Lay dead
Play this
Kneel down
Gun-shy Martyr
Pitiful
I rose, I roared
I will
I am

- A PERFECT CIRCLE

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It seems that has been on my mind for a while now. That was good to have another little purge. Do you notice that they are getting less explosive? Hopefully that doesn't return. I like that this last song is the loudest in my head lately.

Now on to the thanks to MM. A girl from work that came to my party. Also a girl who walked in on her day off to offer me a ticket to see Nine Inch Nails that night! "Twist my rubber arm."


So I went and the thing is that I saw them in 2000 when NIN was still my favorite band. At the time they could do no wrong. But now that they have a new album out which did not impress me, I was there to critique the show. And can I just say, Trent Reznor still has it! There was a lack of interaction with the audience but that was more than made up for by the stunning sound quality & fantastic visuals. The videos flashed a lot of war & weapon footage. It made for nice propaganda against those atrocities.

Thanks MM! You fuckin Rock!