Waking From A Coma: February 2006

Sick.

Very sick. This is all the post I can muster. bear with me please.

Bored at Work

Yup.

(elapsed time 10 minutes)

Uh-huh.

(elapsed time 9 minutes)

Damn... It appears that I should have eaten that $10 cookie that MD & I bought after all.

(elapsed time 8 minutes)

Oh well it'll make for a wonderful breakfast bar...

(elapsed time 7 minutes)

Still, it'd be a lot cooler if I were buzzed now. Hard work and delayed gratification have a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

(elapsed time 6 minutes)

When am I going to realize that the more I look at the clock, the slower it appears to go?

(elapsed time 5 minutes)

Apparently never. *drums fingers*

(elapsed time 4 minutes)

Damn, I really want that cookie. It has so much in it the freaking thing is actually green! Mmmmm. Green.

(elapsed time 3 minutes)

I have to remember to buy orange juice on the way home.

(elapsed time 2 minutes)

Good God I need a shower. We're talking three days here. I am rarely home thanks to wonderful times spent at Mighty Doll's place. Shower there? I think not. SHE barely even showers at home. Why? Glad you asked but you'll have to put up with reading lyrics again. Hey, I've been trying to do this less so suck it up.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S SHOWER SUCKS

The temperature changes
It chills me to the bone
It makes me wish that I was
cleaning myself at home

It makes me grumpy and
sometimes I lose hope
The water's hard, so I can
never rinse the soap

and it's got no pressure
The water dribbles down on me
and it's got no pressure
It's like the shower's going pee

-GOLDFINGER

Funny right? Yeah. Not if its real. I almost wonder if MD dated this guy simply because I'd swear he's singing about her shower. Its uncanny.

(elapsed time 10 minutes)

Thank god. That rant took a little more time. Thirteen minutes to go kids. Just bare with me. If I don't shower soon, I think my clothes are going to pack up and find a better life. I actually fear this. They're dirty enough that I think they're going to start walking around by themselves any minute now. Speaking of any minute now, only ten to go.

(elapsed time 3 minutes)

... *brain fart*

(elapsed time 45 seconds)

This is killing me. It could be worse. *drums fingers* *bites thumbnail*

(elapsed time 9 minutes and 15 seconds)

Thank heavens. I'm outta here ya'll.

Yes. I know there is no point to this post.

-Radio edit-

blaaahhhhahahaha

*runs circles*
*fucks dog*
*brain no focus*

*BELCH*
I need to eat better.

*HACK*
smoking is bad for me.

The Pole Reversal of Valentine's

This morning a very lovely lady turns to me on the transit system & asks, "Oh! Did you do your hair like that for Valentine's Day?"

"Um... no. I don't believe in this thing you call Valentine's Day."

"Oh. I see."

"I did this for a party I helped throw last Saturday."

"Was it fun?"

"Definitely"

"See ya! Have a good day!" *smiles*

This is rather unusual, you see. Folks on transit don't normally start conversations with me. Fair enough though, my hair is not usually a brighter red than Ronald McDonald's. Whatever. It was nice & I am totally off topic.

So. Valentine's Day.

I want all of you wonderful people out there in Blogland to follow me. No, seriously. Look out to the stars! See how beautiful each one is & dream of how it can bring you hope of one day finding that perfect special someone! Very good. Now I want you to raise your hand to the stars with your palm facing you. Excellent. Now, ever so gently, I want you to curl down your index finger. Gently now. You must think of the grace and beauty of this lover's day. Now curl down your pinky. Slowly. Slow like stroking your lovely man's prostate. Now your ring finger. Good. We're almost there. Now the thumb. I know some of you are having trouble with this. (Excepting Elle and a few others) NOW THE THUMB! DO IT!!

Ah. Well done, class.

I propose that Valentine's Day take on this new representation. Your middle finger. I also propose that instead of having only one day a year to be nice and sweet to others, we do it all the time!

No. Scratch that.

How about we be nice and sweet to others for 364 days a year and THEN, on each Valentine's Day, we allow our pessimism, our anger, our lack of tolerance to SURGE to the surface for one day of species pruning! Yaas. The polar reversal of St. Valentine! We allow ourselves on this one day to take all that built up aggression and dump it on those who we hid it from all these days. Population control. Gene pool cleaning. Now we're beginning to evolve.

With this new declaration in place, I leave you now and I hope to see you all alive tomorrow. Peace.

And if you HAVE to celebrate Valentine's day the old way, at least shout my name while you're getting your coals raked. No real reason. I'd just like to imagine how many times my name might be shouted mid load blowing.

Leave Now

Just stop.

Get out of my head.

Get out of my memory.

Get out of my fucking dreams.

Get out of my Saturday mornings.

I dreamt that I was selling off all of your things. They were all bright blue gems on necklaces, bracelets, broaches...

I do not fear the ghost I see in the window of our old apartment when I come home.

Just stop.

And please leave now.

eat puppies