Need to feel? Just plug in.

I have always been lacking in the decent costume department for Halloween. Each year the make-up or idea is shitty & that's even if I dress up at all.

Well this year, that is all starting to change. This costume is not likely to win any best of prizes but I still think it is funny as hell.

So here it is. I decided to go as "External Validation"

So Mighty Doll & I went out to the Funhaus for a bit of loud music & lurching around whilst wearing our Halloween get up. I say lurching because it is the closest I come to dancing. She went as a raver zombie! It was hot for sure. All kinds of glowing shit - that strange blue light that seems to put a spell on me every time. She did a great job of looking quite dead with just regular OTC makeup. Her outfit was complete with all the toys a high raver likes to wear & play with.

Other than the mask, I dressed in all new black clothes. That's it. Now this is the part I totally didn't see coming:

HUGE REACTION!

Lots of compliments, lots of complaints, and 2 freak-outs are the result of wearing a piece of cardboard made to look like a Hydro outlet. I have NEVER received this much attention. First, there was a drunk guy on the transit streetcar. Seeing me from behind he slurs,"what the fuck are you supposed to be?" I whipped my head his way & he was genuinely startled. "Awe fuck man, it is so simple. But fuck that its freakin me out. Stop looking at me." So I turn away. THEN the guy sits his drunk ass in the seat directly in front of me! "No seriously dude, stop fucking looking at me!!" "Look buddy, you sat in front of ME."

Seriously like every five minutes or every time I got up to go to the restroom. "Oh my God. That is fucking awesome!"

Really? Thanks. I though it was funny to the point of ridiculous. But Awesome?

And I got kinda high on the attention. There were lots of costumes out there. Sooo much eye candy. But never before have those folks asked if they could take MY picture. Woah.

please do not feed the ego. It would be all to easy for a boy generally ignored for 25 years to go crazy from too much 'cool'. MD said it was rockstar even. Wow dude. Me? Way to make me feel good...

The part that amazes me is that every one else put a lot of effort into their costume or at least their makeup & hair. My mask took 20 minutes to make. Not that it felt cheap but I do feel like either simplicity rocks or they all just tried too hard.

I had a blast with MD as usual. Damn she knows how to have fun. & particularly knows how to make this boy feel beautiful. Then, my dear friends, there was a wonderful breakfast. Followed by... a wonderful breakfast! mmmmm I hate work. but I loooove breakfast.

rockstar... how fun.

PayDay! & the Escape from the Retail Computer Store!

Hubris grabs his gear, it is all here: rope, stars, katana, poison vials... He peeks around the corner. The coast is clear... for now. Snaking through laser sensors and motion detectors are but a simple silent task. He counts the sleeping dogs.. there are only 4 here! Where are the others?! Never the less, he chloroforms the Pit Bulls at his feet. The others will have to be dealt with later. Starting towards the office, tip toe like kids on Christmas morning. On his back he reaches under the lasers for the bottom of the manager's desk & pulls himself underneath. His fingers crawl into the top drawer containing the payroll documents. He thumbs through & finds his paycheck! Mission half complete- now to get the fuck outa here. He leaps from the desk top & his fingers land on the crimpy madness of the top of the door jam & he curls his body forward over the lasers. But just barely, his shoulderbalde crosses the laser and the alarm is tripped! SHIT the boss is on to him! He can see the decrepit old man whiping his flashlight to and fro. He crawls across the floor to the door, ever so silently comes up behind his boss & skewers dat bitch thru the spinal column! As the man falls to his knees, Nick winds back & with his perfect Japanese steel, slices through the neck of his mortal enemy. Before his boss' head even has time to roll to the floor, Hubris dives out the 2nd floor window narrowly escaping fur coat-razor blades and a hailstorm of small caliber bullets sprayed by the security force hired to cease his escape! As a last big Fuck You, he jumps & does a hand stand on the razor-wire fence before disappearing into the night to join his busty lusty lover for an evening of hot raw passion.

Lover awaits, breath hot on her lips, face flush with excitement and anticipation.

Written by HH with help from the MD.

Angel Test Results from OKCupid

You are Ariel.

So you need Healing (43%), Knowledge (30%), Inspiration (70%), and Strength (62%)?

Archangel Ariel is he Angel of courage, nature, and wild beasts. He inspires us to live our life to the fullest and without fear, and to let go of what is hurting or controlling us. He assures us that we are never alone, even in the darkest times. Most importantly, he advices us to face our fears and fight them so that our brave actions may set us free of the boundaries that keep us from becoming who we are meant to be.
Ariel bestows those that have to do battle in their day to day life with the armour of unshakeable faith and confidence. Those “battles” may take place in court, in the form of competition among athletes, on the schoolyard, or in the attempt of protecting one’s children and loved ones. Also, he is probably the best source of inspiration and inner strength for those striving to protect and heal injured animals and plants.

Ariel is known as the Archangel of the Earth because he works tirelessly on behalf of our planet. He is in charge of supervising the realm of Earth Angels that are sometimes referred to as the mythical creates we call fairies, elves, etc. He assists the human realm in connecting with the realm of Earth Angels and to build a relationship of harmony and balance. By doing so, Ariel and his legion of Earth Angels can help us to understand the natural rhythms of the earth and experience the magic and healing properties of the trees, flowers, rocks and soil. Ariel loves those who appreciate nature and its beauty, and rewards them by becoming their infinite source of joy and inspiration.

A Bit of Trivia:

Ariel is associated with lions and other animals of the non-domesticated kind. He is the ruler of the elemental kingdom, and as such oversees the sylphs, nymphs, salamanders and gnomes, the spirits of the four elements. Just like Gabriel and Jophiel, Ariel is sometimes referred to as a female. He is sometimes confused with the Archangel Uriel.

I am an overseer AND I have a legion? ...sweeeeet!

A picture of Ariel according to Neon Genesis Evangelion:

Saved By A Team of Russian Super-Heroes!

I was at work today and BFI came and emptied our dumpster completely. At this news, my boss says he wants the entire heap of cardboard & trash out of the back hall and into the dumpster outside. Cool with me, I like those days when I get to do something slightly out of the norm. So our dumpster is in the back alley where many people park and deliveries come & go. I get this entire pile outside first (for security) and then began to move it over to the dumpster. Slow work because there was so much to throw away that we would have gotten screwed by the Fire Chief had he decided to inspect the safety of our roomy halls. Seriously, a 20 ft. long hall that is at least 6 ft. wide and we had inches to squeeze through.

So just as I start moving the pile, this guy runs up, looks at my pile of garbage and shouts, "OKAY GUYS, LET'S GIVE HIM A HAND WITH THIS!!!" Before I know what's going on, 5 or 6 large men hop out of a tractor truck and rush over to my trash heap & carry it ALL to the dumpster and throw it in!

x*What the fuck!?*x

Where did these garbage ninjas come from? They materialized out of thin air and were gone as quick as they came. Along with a whole 15 minutes of heavy trash humping that I'd have had to do all alone. I was of course grateful; and felt a little like I had just been rescued from some kind of diabolical Supreme Sludge Lord of the deep that had been festering in our back hallway for the last two months. I realized later that they had a tight schedule to keep and that my garbage monster was occupying the entire available driveway of our back alley. As they left, I wasn't sure whether to wave or salute or fold my helpless hands together and place them over my wanting heart like the damsel in distress of old lame tales.

What an amusing morning...

The Lost Art of Curling Up With Someone

I'm constantly randy. That is no secret. Given the option, I will likely choose sex. (why does it rule me so?) While this desire is hardly ever appeased no matter how much playtime I get to indulge in, I think I have a growing desire for finding someone to do absolutely nothing with. That desire has always been there. After all, I'm a softy, a frantic romantic (hopeless at that), inherently sweet (thanks Sass), & childlike. I tend to see lazing on a couch with someone for hours & hours as time very well spent. That sweet warmth of someone curled up with me. In the bitter Winter's freeze, I love to hide inside with hot cocoa or coffee & movies & games. Wrapped in warm dry blankets and wool socks to take off when its too hot and rub chilly feet together when it is too cold again. Napping, snoozing, comatose afternoons...

So this was inspired by someone else's recent post on the same subject.

But quite simply, it is not that simple. A small fire was there before. This was fanned into what this post reveals. All it took was sleeping. Not before, not after. Those barely awake parts of gently brushing skin. It made me realize just how much I miss that kind of innocence. I was apologized to but for what? I was not wronged. I chose to be there. Instead I feel the need to apologize for being a part of what was later identified as a bad idea. Not my fault yet an accomplice.

Plus there is this to consider: am I impatient as fuck? Maybe. I seem to want it all like it should be a given. Or like it was always there until now. I feel selfish because I could stand to engage in this type of activity with many women. One at a time of course. I've never want to try to manage multiple relationships ever again. My archives are evidence of that. But I also feel selfless because I care differently but greatly for each of these individuals as well. I care about what they think & say & feel... even if I disagree across the board. Do I care too much? Am I not enough of a prick? Why don't I just want to be left the fuck alone? I just don't. I love to care, I love to love, I love to listen. Is it not the opposite of these that makes someone selfish? Or is it selfish to be so enthralled with those for my own desire of observation and social education?

Still... for the next person I get to get to do fun stuff with, some lyrics that run through my head:

Obstacle 2

I'm gonna pull you in close
I'm gonna wrap you up tight
I'm gonna play with the braids that you came here with tonight
I'm gonna hold your face, and toast the snow that fell
Cuz friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell

I feel like love is in the kitchen with a culinary eye
I think he's making something special
And I'm smart enough to try
If you don't trust yourself for at least one minute each day,
Well you should trust in this, girl, cuz something is coming our way.

If you can fix me up we'll go a long way
If you can fix me up, girl, we'll go a long way.

I will stand by all this drinking if it helps me through these days
It takes a long time just to get this all straight.
I'll showcase on Route 7 when I find the right place
It takes a long time just to get this all straight
In my mind, this is my free-time

Cuz friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell.
(Take my love in real small doses)

To let it all away
Spend it all today
Spend it all today
It took time then I found you.

-Interpol

Work in Progress

This was coughed up in less than an hour but I like it so far. I hope to nurture this into a song at some point.



i have to go away now
i have one extra seat
for you if you wanna now
said at the last meet
but last is last
its in the past
there's no double back

made your choice
listen to me
my voice
its true
this seat fits more than you
and its you I lose
but I still don't lose
cuz we're poised to fly
not flee but try
not with me
to sever this tie
its sad and I'm glad
this state of broken me
but broke and free

and thanks again
i'll never be the same
its a shame
the time it took
to share the blame
accusatory games
and story after story
no winners no glory
in this sort of quarrel
thwarted
after I invested
in hind sight detested

but why'd you have to show me
who you are and never
want to touch me again
you're locked in your pen
i can't reach you
shit I lost another friend

we toasted the moon
and drank Kool-Aid
but I had to spit
can't take the taste of shit
it was worth what I made
of myself the price I paid
to quit playing charades
you begin to fade
your shades dissolving
under paths now laid

-me